Author Archives: theshytird

A little silent fart while working right next to my colleague. He hasn’t noticed anything! :3

I am taking polka dot shit. Yes this is what I’ve just made, a polka dot poop. It is brown and has loads of black freckles in it, they seem like small gems mounted on it in a pretty precise way. Now I am trying to gather my thoughts and remember what did I eatContinue reading “Wednesday, 11 May 2022 | 06:23 AM”

So in the morning, what was anticipated by some gas, now becomes toxic waste. The pool’s water is split in two, at the bottom there’s solid dregs, on the surface there’s the oily floating liquid. Which one’s more worth? To be on the safe side, I’ll just flush everything away. I am just worried forContinue reading “Tuesday, 10 May 2022 | 06:50 AM”

It’s almost four o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep. That hamburger I had for dinner really needed some more cooking. Stomach issues. On the other side (literally) my intestines kept producing farts. Farts I had to expel as soon as dully developed. My bowels give me insomnia 😡

I am deeply sad for the loss. And pretty impressed. The huge shit flushed off almost instantly, with a little help from the brush, I’ve seen my son die in half past a second :((

Ever since I finished crafting my first shit, this morning I felt like there was more. I stopped thinking about it for a while, gotta focus on work to do! Nice. Ok. Then my boss went out early, I had lunch, and the toilet was all for me. It actually is. Yeah. I am sittingContinue reading “Monday, 9 May 2022 | 01:46 PM”

It’s Monday, and the turds are seamlessly sliding out, this is a very soft beginning.

So that’s the end of the week… I do the last turd. I do. It is. Nice

End of late morning breakfast, me, walking towards the bathroom, ‘I’ll go bake a cake now!’ Sitting on the toilet, I turn on the oven, and I wait for the sweet cake to be ready. BLOF, it’s done! It more looks like some undefined cookies, I’m not sure I’d have a taste though…

All right, jog done, dishes done, folding dry clothes done. No I can jump inside the bathroom, lift the toilet seat, sit down and relax. Crap will surely appreciate this calm kindess, I’ll be rewarded! Uh! There’s some stuff already! So cute!

First things first, I woke up to do a shit. That’s what Saturdays are made for. I’ve got the whole day ahead so I can just enjoy this naughty pleasure I love. Taking a crap is on my top five moments of life

A day off. I spent the day planning my podcast. It’ll be called The Shyt Show, will get out weekly, and I’ll be reading my week’s shit out loud. I was on the sofa, making record tryouts, when suddenly, my session was interrupted by this snake of crap, it has born death though. All right,Continue reading “Friday, 6 May 2022 | 03:40 PM”

Two tirds, both big and expelled in a fraction of time. Shit made easy.

Can’t connect my brain, the only thing I see is war, there’s a deadly missile laying on the water, it is brown and has wrinkles, has it got out of me? Do ai have war inside me? This and many other questions belong to to nighttime. Whatever, Yesterday I had an ice cream for dinner,Continue reading “Thursday, 5 May 2022 | 05:56 AM”

So what about it? I am doing it again, taking a shit. We’re approaching a deadline at work, so I had to work until a few of minutes ago, when I got back home, by boss offered me an ice cream, I never say no to ice cream. My shit now is creamier than thatContinue reading “Wednesday, 4 May 2022 | 09:54 PM”

Even if my body was still bloating, I slept fairly good, the problem now is, I woke up early as usual to go running, but I am now stuck on the throne. Crap seems endless, farts as well, my schedule is fucked. My arse is relaxed. The shit, is still shit.

Finally, my bowels are deflating, with a little help though… You should see me, I’m on the sofa doing the candle position to make gravity activate my stupid lazy intestines. Every once in a while a fart pops, then the pain goes on. I wonder how long will it last…

I had pasta for lunch and, FUUCK I’m bloating! Seriously, I feel like half the mass of my body is now Gas! It’s terrible! And it doesn’t even get out! I’m about to take a needle and blow myself off

At first I thought my body wasn’t going to make it this time, that I would have had to get out with no shit done. I sat down, I immediately started pushing, I pushed hard and hard and hard, as hard as I could, even if I am still very drowsy. WROOOOOOOOSH. Everything went offContinue reading “Tuesday, 3 May 2022 | 06:13 AM”

After this morning’s naughty moves, my bowels keeps quiet. Is it the calm before the storm?

Hey yo! Now you can read my shits, daily, on Telegraaaaam! Joi the channel: https://t.me/theshytird

This morning I decided not to have a poop right before my running session, I was afraid that I may end up taking a crap somewhere behind a bush, but I was lucky. Insted I spent the first two-kilometre stretch alternating steps and farts. It was a bumpy workout! Now I am comfortably sitting onContinue reading “Monday, 2 May 2022 | 07:35 AM”

My girlfriend preparing Tzatziki, me taking a shit. She needs a feedback on its flavour but I am already deploying crap. Never mind… I said, our relationship has already reached higher peaks, it’s fine. She immediately came to me with a spoonful of the white sauce and put it in my mouth. I’ve got toContinue reading “Sunday, 1 May 2022 | 12:06 PM”

I feel a little dizzy, I shall be sleeping right now, but instead I am here on my toilet trying to push evil out. I am not sure wether there might actually be some evil inside me or not, but the matter of the fact is that I feel my insides burning and twisting. Ok,Continue reading “Saturday, 30 April 2022 | 04:44 AM”

Long story short I had my favourite ramen in town with my friend, we had a walk and then we urged back to my place. We need shit. I came back home finding my girlfriend having a happy hour with some random friends, nice. Now I am staining my own toilet, my friend is socialisingContinue reading “Friday, 29 April 2022 | 10:54 PM”

Yesterday I must have eaten something too healthy. I only produced three turds, they are two balls and one stick, I get a floating sad face in the water. SIGNS??

Went home early. Gotta go to a funeral. I have some minutes to hang wet clothes, but the propeller inside me denies it. NO, YOU GOTTA SHIT NOW! So I followed its desire, placing a mess inside the toilet

Oh fuck it! I should have said NO to that bloody beer! It was 10:30PM and I was drinking red wine since 7PM, ‘what’s wrong with a Beer?’, I thought. I actually knew this already, I would have ended up regretting that moment. I woke myself up at 6 ‘o clock, and I spent theContinue reading “Thursday, 28 April 2022 | 06:29 AM”

I (h)ate lasagna for lunch. Precisely two hours later, I am sitting on the office’s toilet praying for it to finish soon. I smells horribly, it is cramping, it is shattered. Nice loose crap, nice nice nice