Wednesday, 2 June 2021 | 09:18 AM

I had a huge dinner and got back at 3:30AM I haven’t had such a night in a very loooong time. My anus now burns. He’s not used to it.

Saturday, 29 May 2021 | 09:24 AM

Two pizzas a day makes something greatly rhyme with a day, but I can’t find any, because there ain’t no word for this shapeless brown blob laying at the bottom of my toilet.