the Shy Tird

Ah, so this morning we have something??

Just two turds

Third shit of the day

I’m just going to record every shit I do during the day.

Second.

This trip will be a hellfire, I won’t have a routine, I will be hard boiling because of the heat. I won’t be shitt-

Well actually, I just took a crap! Niice!

Yeah, yeah, I know, it is. Yeah, it is another shit. Yeah

Yeah, why not, another shit is cool!

Finally arrived to the hotel. First things first: TAKING THIS FUCKING SHIT

Killed it!

The trip goes on, and the crap piles up. Now on the bus, hope we arrive sooooooon

I am inside the toilet cabin. Will it be my first time shitting on a plane?

I know, it’s weird for the king of shit not to have ever taken a crap on board, but, you know, I get constipated, must be the pressure effect, don’t know.

Anyways, nope. Just farts for me 😦

Airplane mode switched on. Not just on devices, also on my bowels.

As we get higher and higher up in the air, breaking layers of the atmosphere, my belly bloats and bloats.

Unluckily, I had no shit this morning, hence even crap is expanding, as an obvious consequence, I am freeing little farts to my right and to my left. By now nobody seems to have noticed it… just keep it quiet 🤫

There’s nothing I can do, my body just doesn’t need a shit right now. It is what it is!

Very frustrating, since I have a flight in two hours, and I just need to liberare myself…

Uh, there’s pizza inside here, FYI!

Trying to have a shit at this time of the night is just impossibile.

Even if I am still awake or already, it’s just foolish.

Pizza for lunch, make me ready for the launch

Right on time! I was sure the beer effect wouldn’t be keeping longer!

Yes indeed! I felt something coming, but I waited. I was patient, just like a lion browsing around its prey. I wanted to delay the enjoyment, first I needed to finish tidying up my room, but once done, I had nothing left to do but taking some pleasure at shitting one hell of a crap!

Smooth, puffy, bendable, adorable piece of shit!

Weird. Yesterday I had loads of beers for lunch. My belly was calling me the whole evening, but this morning it exposes itself with just a stone. Mmh. Weird

I was sure about this. Another round another crap. This time with a little thrashing

Light brown-ish. Makes me home I am healthy. Yes. Ok.

Yesterday I had shit three times, I expect it happening at least twice today.

You know horseshoes? This turd has exactly the same size, and the same shape. The very same colour, and the same hardness.

It was very difficult to expel indeed.

But it is nice to see that outside now, I shall hang it somewhere, it may bring luck!

I am casually sitting on the toilet, having a wee, when I felt I could push a little, you know, just to try…

Something pop out! Such a surprising day!

The first turd was very stocky, and it made me stretch, the second one was simply normal and went through easily. The third one was… just a fart

Had rice with lentils for lunch. What am I doing now? Farting all around and taking a crap.

Are these two things related?

Yes.

I was just finishing editing my podcast when my bowels felt it. Probably engaged by the topics I was recording about, it produced a little turd, which I gently deployed inside my WC.

The beginning of my day is delayed. All right. The most important thing is down the toilet now. Good Job

I have the most annoying arse. My arse is an arsehole.

I had just began watching Spider-man: no way home but it needed a shit. All right all right! DONE!

Can we please resume watching it?

All in all it was just Another shit in the hole

I miss those days shaped by sudden random diarrhoeas… do I?

Not working at all, staying home all day, watching TV shows on the couch, only eating shitty snacks, no lunch nor dinners.

Shitty life, means shitty shit. C’mon, what the fuck, useless pieces of crap here. So dry…

I’m not even eating fruits… duh

Too little has passed since my last poop.

And yet, a crooked turd got out. Just a few centimetres long, but it is something!

Just got back home. ‘The sooner the better’, that’s what my arse was thinking in the last few hours.

First thing I did as I opened the door, was hurrying to the loo, I had no time to turn on the lights.

Now, I have been spreading my arsehole for minutes now, and it felt like I produced kilos of shit. Now, now, let’s light it up with the flashlight, let’s see what we’re dealing with…

All right, pretty mild, it felt bigger, but could indeed have been much less. Good. It’s a 7 pointer.

I’ll go have a shower now…

I am not so familiar with those alien-themed video games, but I am sure there’s some kind of weapon, sone sort of big rod with a huge stone on top. I don’t remember clearly.

Can’t see that in my mind, but I see that right before my very eyes. Its a huge huge turd, and it can really be used as a weapon. I am sure it would be illegal in some parts of the world. You know, its many half-an-inch-long stones amassed all together, it’s brutal!

And it has gotten out of my arse! 😳

She has just changed her job, she now works in a big firm, so she’s new there in the office… she told me that something never occurred before, my happened to her. Never ever.

So basically she has one poop every day before going to bed, and one poop as she wakes up. She is quite a regular and this makes her have a wonderful clear-bowels day. This regularity disappeared for the whole weekend, when she drank, eat, and lived as a weekend requires.

No shit on saturday, no shit on sunday, no shit on monday morning. Shit. That is no good.

As she arrives to the office, she has her morning coffee, this gave her the right sprint for the beginning of the day, but after a few minutes she starts trembling, her anus shaking, she has goosebumps all around her skin. She resists, for an hour at max, after that, she must had to go to the loo, so she ran for it, closing all doors behind, then sits.

As soon as she sits, a wide quantity of poop spread on the water surface, kind of like oil on the ocean. It was immensity. Vastness. She says she never had such a poop as that, never at home, never outside. She panicked, can’t blame her… it is difficult to manage stuff such these for the first time.

As she finishes, she flushes everything off. A good half of it got actually ejected. The other half was there, everywhere, below the water surface, above it, on the border of the closet, it was a freaking mess.

She starts pushing the flush every two seconds, hoping it fills up again fast, but it is too slow! Shit, shit, shit! Anybody could come inside at any moment!

She starts scanning all the space surrounding her. And she founds it: a grey basin, camouflaging next to the grey wall.

She opens the faucet at maximum speed, filling up the basin and emptying on top of the remaining sticky browns.

Once. Twice, six times. In seven acts, everything was gone. Stink still there, she escaped from the room, and got back to work, after forty minutes.

Still agitated, she is finally sitting at her work station, timorously ogling the toilets’ door. Nobody gets inside.

Everything went through perfectly, wow, anything could go wrong, anybody could have got inside, during her adventure. But she got it. Problem solved.

She shook her head a little, in an excited amusement, as one of her new workmates gives her a worried look.

And he says ‘is everything all right?’

The end