Author Archives: theshytird

Sunday, 23 February 2020 | 02:38 PM CoronaVirus is making the world kneel, in the meanwhile I shit and fart and fart and fart and shit chickpeas.

Sunday, 23 February 2020 | 01:16 PM Why don’t we invent a giant human to compost trash? We will feed him rubbish, he’ll give us free manure. If we’re lucky we could even find out he’s a pleasant company too!

Saturday, 22 February 2020 | 06:41 PM I’m starting to feel better only now.

Saturday, 22 February 2020 | 05:07 PM I wake up after a short nap and I feel my stomach burning, my belly swollen like a balloon filled with toxic gas. What the fuck! It’s like having Chernobyl inside me. 😕

Saturday, 22 February 2020| 02:14 PM Time passes and they still haven’t found a cure against poop

Saturday, 22 February 2020 | 04:27 AM Yeah, why not? Just a little poop in the middle of the night. It is fine.

Friday, 21 February 2020 | 06:58 PM And it’s a huuuuge number one! I get back home, undress myself, sit in the toilet. As I spread my cheeks, release my bowels, a huge long tird gets extruded out. It was hard to feel if it was still clinging to my anus, so I took aContinue reading “Friday, 21 February 2020 | 06:58 PM”

Friday, 21 February 2020 | 06:21 PM Stifling hard. I had this great terrible idea to go celebrating with my friends at a sushi restaurant- AYCE. Now I’m holding on tightly, still on the bus. Repressing all my rotten-egg scented farts. Sushi’s great, when’s not coming off your butt.

Friday, 21 February 2020 | 07:56 AM This is one of those moments in which I don’t have the slightest idea of what to write, so I’m going to invent a story. There once was a little man. He was entering the motorway with his big SUV, steering the wheels, putting the gear-uh no waitContinue reading “Friday, 21 February 2020 | 07:56 AM”

Thursday, 20 February 2020 | 04:55 PM Apparently a piece was left. And it was huge!

Thursday, 20 February 2020 | 01:36 PM During the whole morning, Butt says ‘Go get a toilet!’ I say ‘can’t!’ Butt says ‘HURRY!’ I say ‘shut up!’ Butt says ‘💨’ I say ‘For crying out loud!’ Butt says ‘💨’ It went on till now. I say ‘content?’ Butt is pleased. Butt says ‘thanks’

Thursday, 20 February 2020 | 07:19 AM I say: c’mon Butt says: nope

Wednesday, 18 February 2020 | 09:01 PM Home-run!

Wednesday, 19 February 2020 | 08:44 PM Tirds are just like Mr. Meseeks from Rick and Morty. Fandom describes their status ed Extant (regularly dying), but truth is they’re disposable. Here’s the comparison: ⁃ in Rick and Morty’s universe: you press the green and blue box: a Mr. Meseeks appears; you say what your requestContinue reading “Wednesday, 19 February 2020 | 08:44 PM”

Wednesday, 19 February 2020 | 07:31 AM My alarm just rang, but I woke myself up at 7AM naturally. I don’t believe I am wide awake yet, since I am wondering… What had my first shit been like? I mean, it must have been even before I was a toddler. Did I do it whileContinue reading “Wednesday, 19 February 2020 | 07:31 AM”

Tuesday, 18 February 2020 | 02:51 PM Still pooping. I am literally shouting “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” because of the effort I’m putting on this shit. It hurts. It feels like the most ferocious bully from the second-grade school is squeezing my bowels tightly. Ouch. I must say I was kinda expecting this complicated bowels times today –Continue reading “Tuesday, 18 February 2020 | 02:51 PM”

Tuesday, 18 February 2020 | 02:43 PM Today my mind just won’t stop spinning. I’m having ideas after ideas after ideas.On the other side – and I mean literally the opposite side of my body – my butt complaints about too much thinking and just vomits solid.

Tuesday, 18 February 2020 | 07:51 AM Today’s session is quite quiet. Why don’t sittings of this kind happen when in public toilets? Why are those always have to be so noisy that atomic bomb was Depeche Mode’s Enjoy the Silence by contrast?

Monday, 17 February 2020 | 07:39 PM There’s a song I listened to earlier today that goes ‘I can’t afford not to try it’ I think it’s been written meaning the artist loves too much his ex-girlfriend he can’t help trying to get back together, doing all the things in his power. At least that’sContinue reading “Monday, 17 February 2020 | 07:39 PM”

Sunday, 16 February 2020 | 2:33 PM “It’s so good to be alive!” Said the tird right before drowning in the pool

Saturday, 15 February 2020 | 10:02 PM It happens sometimes: you feel like you have something to expel. You feeeeeeel it! But it won’t get out – arsehole! Still, you have to squeeze it so hard – arse hole – you feel you head’s about to explode. That reminded me of an old GIF weContinue reading “Saturday, 15 February 2020 | 10:02 PM”

Saturday, 15 February 2020 | 01:51 PM We’re far from reaching a promising level in advanced robotic…All these years spent on mimicking a human body…It’ll never work, if they ain’t pooping yet!

Friday, 14 February 2020 | 06:35 PM So it’s Valentine’s Day uh? I’ll shape a heart from my tirds then!

Friday, 14 February 2020 | 09:16 AM There are moments in life when you just have no time for your life. In these moments you can’t even find time for a shat! Still, you should. Your body needs it. You need to expel all the dross your organism has produced. Then, as you do this,Continue reading “Friday, 14 February 2020 | 09:16 AM”

Thursday, 13 February 2020 | 07:29 AM Speaking of vegetarians, yesterday I hate a super-tasty hamburger. I put mustard spread on the top half bread, ketchup on the lower one, caramelised onions, and a good Italian smoked cheese I had on top of my patty, melted. Oh by the way, my burger was rare –Continue reading “Thursday, 13 February 2020 | 07:29 AM”

Wednesday, 12 February 2020 | 07:54 AM I’m thinking of hiding a gps tracker inside my tirds. I’m keen on discovering where will they end up.

Tuesday, 11 Febbraio 2020 | 06:29 PM Nevertheless, I keep eating beans. And I keep shitting bad.

Tuesday, 11 February 2020 | 07:58 AM Some days ago I watched Netflix’s Game Changers, in which they basically suggest you to go vegetarian. Apparently fat contained in meat makes your blood plasma foggy. I already knew red meat is not that safe for your body, though I like meat’s flavour! Anyway, there’s this sceneContinue reading “Tuesday, 11 February 2020 | 07:58 AM”

Monday, 10 February 2020 | 07:31 PM Droplets like rabbits

Monday, 10 February 2020 | 11:49 AM Home sweet home. That’s it! It doesn’t matter how much crap you make when you’re outside, once you get home you can really express yourself.