Author Archives: theshytird

I just finished watching an interesting documentary about how come Jackson Pollock is so famous. Apparently he became so because of his art patron Clement Greenberg. Thus I decided I just need to find an influent critic and persuade him to write about me, convincing him this website is the contemporary art we all wereContinue reading “Friday, 10 April 2020 | 10:03 AM”

Thursday, 9 April 2020 | 05:43 PM I shall enter in the Guinness World records for the most number of shit reports ever. For sure this category does not exist. Yet.

Thursday, 9 April 2020 | 08:10 AM If I shat gold, I’d be a multi-billionaire.

Wednesday, 8 April 2020 | 06:46 PM Days are passing by, working with my computer all the time, I now took as a habit to go having a shower once every three/four days. I can’t smell my shit anymore, would this be because I reek even worst?

Wednseday, 8 April 2020 | 09:29 AM I just planted a solid rod in the water, well it more resemble a proper pillar. I wonder what it would be like if ancient Greeks would have used tirds such as this one to build the Parthenon. 🤔

Tuesday, 7 April 2020 | 08:55 AM Checking my website’s statistics I realised they’re not useful at all. I need insights on how many times a day I do shits, ain’t no matter how many people visit my site, I want to know how many tirds I do per month!

Monday, 6 April 2020 | 12:53 PM Poop cannot wait, you struggle, you do everything you can to keep in inside, But you’re gonna lose every time!

Sunday, 5 April 2020 | 11:31 PM Still, nice and quiet. For sure, nobody’s allowed to go out.

Sunday, 5 April 2020 | 10:50 AM I wonder if we’re ever going to invent any kind of time travel system. If so, I’d use it just to shit my shit in the same toilet, in the same day, same time every time. It would obviously be in the future, so at the end ofContinue reading “Sunday, 5 April 2020 | 10:50 AM”

Saturday, 4 April 2020 | 09:44 AM Starting the day with a brisk session, where stuff is shot out, high-speed. Lively ain’t it?

Saturday, 4 April 2020 | 01:04 AM It feels so relaxing having a poop when everything around you is so dark and quiet. It feels peaceful. You could easily hear every single sound from your bowels. And the final splash.

Friday, 3 April 2020 | 12:08 PM Unbelievable! I’m taking another one!

Friday, 3 April 2020 | 11:49 AM Yesterday a guy commented on one of my instagram post, ‘u pooped three times in one day?’ Well yes, and it happens quite a lot. See? My secret is seed and beans. Lentils this time.

Friday, 3 April 2020 | 09:15 AM Reprise. I knew that! For that I haven’t even tried to stand up! 🥴

Friday, 3 April 2020 | 08:58 AM I’ve been sitting here for ages! Why do I always have to wait so long? I sometimes imagine surgeons removing constipations. It must be horrible. A kind of a giant cork made of crap, perhaps they even need to cut it in pieces… I feel you surgeons!

Thursday, 2 April 2020 | 11:27 AM My body temperature is 37.5ºC. Nice. Last thing you’d like during a pandemic is symptoms … And my shit smells bad. At least this helps diagnostics this time. 🙃

Wednseday, 1 April 2020 | 02:21 PM If yesterday I was lamenting my shats were dull, now that my anus burns after that yesterday’s spicy rice I am no more bored

Wednesday, 1 April 2020 | 10:43 AM If today coronavirus would simply leave, i reckon it would be the best April’s fool ever.

Tuesday, 31 March 2020 | 07:40 PM I am kinda tempted to start eating junk food again just to present more appealing stories. Shit’s so dull when you don’t struggle!

Tuesday, 31 March 2020 | 10:50 AM Duh

Monday, 30 March 2020 | 05:52 PM Rapid shit before sticking myself in front of computer till 2 AM

Sunday, 29 March 2020 | 05:40 PM I love those ninja tirds hiding in my bowels, they reveal themselves when I least expect ‘em. Luckily I spend most of my life sitting on the toilet!

Sunday, 29 March 2020 | 11:30 AM Before I started this silly blog, I used to check out the results only after some of my shats, to get cheerful for those, you know… After I began posting each poo-session, I carefully observe every single piece of shit coming out of my arse, with scientific precision.Continue reading “Sunday, 29 March 2020 | 11:30 AM”

Saturday, 28 March 2020 | 10:53 AM Even if this lockdown gives me all the spare time in the world I’m abusing it. I spent the last three weeks illustrating all of my graphic designs, creating and promoting my instagram account, writing a 10-chapter novel and OBVIOUSLY taking a shit. Everything but working on myContinue reading “Saturday, 28 March 2020 | 10:53 AM”

Friday, 27 March 2020 | 05:33 PM Plop.

Friday, 27 March 2020 | 09:24 AM Two days ago I went out in order to donate my blood. My town was deserted. This lockdown is actually taking place all over the world now! This is getting freaking serious. Now, the only good news here is that being scared helps me taking a poo: itContinue reading “Friday, 27 March 2020 | 09:24 AM”

Thursday, 26 March 2020 | 11:24 PM I couldn’t hold it any longer. Oh fuck!

Thursday, 26 March 2020 | 09:53 AM Nothing great about this session. Apart from those big tirds. Satisfying amount.

Wednesday, 25 March 2020 | 09:04 AM At least 2 months have passed since last time I ate burgers before yesterday evening. Now, I can’t know for sure if it‘s their fault, or maybe even that bottle of beer’s fault, but I am now producing that spongy light-brown crap I haven’t had for a looongContinue reading “Wednesday, 25 March 2020 | 09:04 AM”

Tuesday, 24 March 2020 | 09:57 AM Some mornings I am so in need of expelling slags that I’ve got to urge for that! …and when I do that I’m frankly scared my anus could break outstretched as it is. Luckily it has never happened (yet!) Well, I’m just having one of these mornings, okay?Continue reading “Tuesday, 24 March 2020 | 09:57 AM”