Author Archives: theshytird

Monday, 27 April 2020 | 11:18 AM When I was just a little boy I used to have fun thinking about people I knew (mostly friends) taking a poo. I mean, I really tried my best to picture them sitting on their toilet, veins swollen on their forehead, red-faced. That was fun. Somehow.

Sunday, 26 April 2020 | 07:35 PM This quarantine is making me tripping

Sunday, 26 April 2020 | 12:00 PM Shit! It’s noon! And the crap just detached form my butt. Everything looks normal. Though is it? I don’t trust this toilet telling me ‘everything’s normal’

Saturday, 25 April 2020 | 09:00 AM Every time I poop at time-o’clock something weird happen. This time as soon as I expelled my crap I got transferred into a parallel universe in which this big shy tird sat on its toilet is extruding an human figure out of his crappy arsehole. That human isContinue reading “Saturday, 25 April 2020 | 09:00 AM”

Friday, 24 April 2020 | 05:15 PM As Julian Casablancas would say ‘I’ve got nothing to say, I’ve got nothing to say…’

Friday, 24 April 2020 | 11:38 AM Some spongy crap is so delicate and cool. I can even hear it squishing through my butthole

Thursday, 23 April 2020 | 06:05 PM I cannot believe it. I was about to get out to go running but I’ve got a toilet calling. Beeeeeeaaaaans!

Thursday, 23 April 2020 | 05:39 PM Fuck it! I spent the whole day farting like a pig. I hate it. It must bean that spicy dinner I had yesterday night.

Thursday, 23 April 2020 | 03:54 PM Shit fuck tird lol

Thursday, 23 April 2020 | 11:55 AM I just realised I can get ice cream to go even if I’n under lock down. I shall create a new service: Shit on demand.

Wednesday, 22 April 2020 | 03:40 PM Fuck’s sake! I hate it when the postman rings whilst I still have tirds dandling from my arsehole.

Wednesday, 22 April 2020 | 05:25 PM All right I was joking about painting my room with crap. Here’s a true fact. Yesterday during my jog I farted a lot, once home I took a hot, relaxing shower. I lathered myself, rubbing my armpits, my chest, my feet, my arse- WAIT A MINUTE! Right betweenContinue reading “Wednesday, 22 April 2020 | 05:25 PM”

Wednesday, 22 April 2020 | 02:07 PM Today I farted so strongly I painted all the toilet in brown

Tuesday, 21 April 2020 | 06:03 PM Usual poop before going out running. It seems my body feels like ‘I gotta lighten up!’

Tuesday, 21 April 2020 | 12:49 PM A world inside crap is lurking. It is called the world of fancy poop. Fancy poop is a pandimensional character existing in the world to keep balance inside our universe. More informations soon.

Monday, 20 April 2020 | 05:59 PM This quarantine is getting me crazy. Let’s begin running again. Uh! A lil’ shit first!

Monday, 20 April 2020 | 08:01 AM Flash poop, gotta rush back to work stuff. Deadline’s approaching. Poop though it’s more important. Poop is the most important thing in the world in fact.

Sunday, 19 April 2020 | 01:00 PM I had to wait till exactly one o’clock to be teleported back to my toilet. After the whirlwind suck me out, I passed out. When I woke up I was surrounded by a huge amount of crap. The stink was terrible. It hadn’t take me much to understandContinue reading “Sunday, 19 April 2020 | 01:00 PM”

Saturday, 18 April 2020 | 09:00 AM Today I’ve held it inside until exaclty nine o’clock, for no reason whatsoever. That’s the maximum level of creativity I’m able to exploit under this conditions. Wait! What kind of sorcery is this? My tirds are now magically whirlwinding forming a perfect number nine inside my toilet! Aaaaa!Continue reading “Saturday, 18 April 2020 | 09:00 AM”

Friday, 17 April 2020 | 05:44 PM I think even my toilet is sick of my crap everyday

Friday, 17 April 2020 | 10:49 AM Some posts are fillers.

Thursday, 16 April 2020 | 10:57 PM I just finished watching HBO’s Watchmen. Now I wonder, does Doctor Manhattan shit? And if so, are they actual meteors?

Thursday, 16 April 2020 | 04:07 PM The real question is: is global sewage system ready for this?

Thursday, 16 April 2020 | 12:58 PM This freaking quarantine is depriving me of all the adventurous shats all around the world. Same toilet every day, that’s dull!

Wednesday, 15 April 2020 | 10:33 AM Headache grows stronger when I toil in my toilet for pooping. Ouch.

Tuesday, 14 April 2020 | 11:03 AM We (as human species) have been pooping ever since before we were grouped in societies, even before we were able to speak, even before we were homo sapiens. Still, talking about crap is the biggest taboo.

Tuesday, 14 April 2020 | 12:13 AM Let’s bet. Will my crap float or will it sink? Let me have a look. :drum roll: It floats!!

Sunday, 12 April 2020 | 09:41 PM Easter shat take #2 Egg-shaped tirds lol

Sunday, 12 April 2020 | 12:51 PM Uhhh nice! I woke myself up and ate as many chocolate eggs as I could before reaching that stupid point when your throat aches. BTW Happy Easter from the Crap Balster!

Saturday, 11 April 2020 | 09:56 AM Apparently lack of sleep increases risk of cancer, and many other diseases: Matt Walker claims ‘the shorter your sleep, the shorter your life’. I wonder if sleep deprivation is also a cause of constipation 🤔 I mean, seriously!