the Shy Tird

First work-out after a two-month pause, I decide to go at the park with my girlfriend for some bodyweight exercises.

We are surrounded by goose stalking us. We start some abs, in the middle of it an accidental fart comes out of me, I can’t finish my repetition, I’m rolling on the floor laughing.

After my second abs series. I stand up, fatigued. I feel something creamy on my perianal spot. It’s goose shit. ‘YUUUCK!’, I say.

It’s my lady the one who’s laughing now. She simply can’t help it. And I can’t blame her…

My shorts stained. It now looks like I pooped my pants. 😐

I think this is the moment I went closer to shitting myself.

I was coming back from the beach, 1-hour driving. I felt the stimulus as soon as I.

Once home I stopped by a wine shop to buy bottles for tonight party. I tasted them. Think I could not do the worst mistake.

I rushed back home, fully undressed myself, I almost shat on the floor.

I am finally sitting on the toilet. SHIIIT I needed it!!

Shit smells. Everyone knows it.

Nonetheless, just a few times I could actually smell it’s so reeky. This is one of those moments.

Nice plain smell of shit.

I love the smell of napalm in the morning

What do you do while taking a shit? You read shampoo ingredients? You scroll instagram? You make a phone call?

I prefer posting about it.

My shit was hard as bricks

Now I am wondering why wiping was so creamy. Is it some sort of joke? I am not laughing

I’m so tired I can’t tell if I am alive or dead.

Shit suddenly reminds me I am alive. Spikey

Today my anus is sparkly, it makes bum bum humming sound, very very amusing. There’s no poop though 😦

Rubbles

Downloading…

Shitment postponed. Am late

My vacations are through. I’m back at the studio…

What’s the first thing I do as soon my boss gets out? I TAKE A SHIIIIIIT! yeeeaaaahhhh!!!

Creamy shiiiiiit!!

Seems like my arse missed home more than I did.

Am still shitting here…🙄

I’ve just come back from a 13-day road-camping trip. I am simply EXHAUSTED.

First things first. TAKING A HUGE CRAPPY SHIT. I’ve spent the last three days of my trip sustaining solely on canned beans. Basically I was a walking fart. I was Loud. I was free.

This morning I went to the very same spot I took a shit yesterday. That old thing was totally black, plenty of ants and flies.

Then I piled a ninja turd on top of that. They won’t be lonely anymore!

Ain’t no shit to do in the water.

I did it crouched behind a bush, with the sound of the water pleasing me

A single fly kisses my products.

Five friends on a pretty lonely bay, far from everything.

Couldn’t find the toilet paper, PANIC.

BACK ON SHITTING IN THE WATEEER!

You understand you became an animal when flies come eating on your anus as soon as the tird detaches

Today something pretty unique happened. We were looking for a beach by the river, but the road was too messy for my SW. As we stop, my girlfriend had to take a shit, she was holding it for too many days – constipation, such a plague.

She wanted me to stay away. ‘Now I know how dogs feel like when somebody stares at them while they poop!’, she said. I kept the distance, but as soon as she finished I went where she did her thing, and I couldn’t help but see what laid there. It was FUCKING ENORMOUS.

I can say I am pretty expert on faecal matter, nevertheless I was astonished. HOW THE HELL DID IT GET OUT?’!’ I shouted.

‘You don’t know my perks yet’, she started proudly

Some twenty minutes ago I performed the longest, the strongest, the hardest, the biggest shit outdoor.

Yesterday some locals offered us infinite beer, infinite grilled meat, infinite wine, infinite good company. Resulting in infinite pile of shit under the tree, over some dead foliage.

The most satisfying thing though was the swarm of flies tasting my freshly shat poop.

Nat Geo LIVE.

Still, inside the tent, I think my girlfriend lying next to me could be dead. I farted rancid farts for the whole night.

Even I could be death by now.

Probably I am writing from heaven

Shopping mall.

Single tird.

I fucking reek.

Difficult to explain, yesterday was fucking eventful. We though we’d have never survived, but in the end we stumbled upon a huge beach party, full of people.

Now, the thing is, there was a moment at 11PM with no signal whatsoever, no light, we were trying to reach a farm to ask for a place to stay. And i had to. I FUCKING NEEDED A SHIT. So I stop the car in the middle of the road, crouched and. THERE IT WAS!

‘Ok, now let’s find a place to sleep’, and we went back on route

Today we slept by a lake. Basically nobody else was there, meaning I could deliberately shit wherever I wanted.

I chose, nezt to a bush.

It was funny though, staring at my girlfriend while the stuff was piling on the gravel.

No signal, deranged, we’re chilling in the shade after a scrambled-egg-breakfast. We spent the night in front of the beach.

Right in front of the beach, in a savannah-like-landscape, I take my shit, crouched close to the soil. Close to my soul. Close to my shit.

One of the perkiest thing of wild-shitting is watching your three little turds patting on the ground, freshly-defecated.

I’ve been staying inside this old rough bathroom, sitting on this toilet for twenty minutes now. I am getting rid of what the farm-dinner produced. Basically something too heavy smelling to be told

All right. Second day of camping.

Basically I just woke myself up inside a factory. I am surrounded by sheeps, hogs, turkeys, chickens, hans, and a dog.

Now. The very first thing I had to do is to run inside here, a real cabinet. There’s an old stained basin, a shower, and a toilet. Everything’s a bit dirty, but functional.

It is a real WC. That’s all that matters.

Hey yah! First day of camping. The heath bomb is on us. Couldn’t sleep properly. I SHAAAAAAT only a small turdy 🙂

Last shit session at home before going camping. It was plain.

My arse is looking forward to seeing the nature

You know when you press the start button in your microwave oven and you eagerly wait for your dish to be ready, my belly works exactly like that. There are just a few differences, no timer, and what comes out is always unexpected.

Even if I can’t help falling asleep, my relentless body wants to shit.

Gotta make it happy