Today NIIIICE AND EEEEAASYYYY!

I was approaching doing the dishes, when ai felt a spicy burden inside me, deep inside. So deep it almost went out.

As I sat on the toilet, only 3 instants of a second passed, before disrupting the entire human race.

Oh wait, no, just felt that, we’re still here.

My shit is big, bug humanity is bigger. A bigger shit

I’ve been out all day. I was at a friend’s place: he lives in the countryside, on a small plot of land where he grows loads of fruit and vegetables, and works from there as a digital nomad. Such a cool project.

The problem is… he doesn’t have a toilet yet.

Normally I just borrow a shovel and go for a shit somewhere in the bushes, but today it was absolutely freezing. So I held everything in all day, and now I’m basically full of air. AND SHIT

The night was dark and full of terrors.

I slept poorly and bad.

At least, in the morning shit went out quickly, and it was all that I was expecting for the whole night, the beer fight

Yeah, this is right what I needed!

To wake up at one in the morning for a stomach ache!

To be fair, I could have treated my bowels better today…

Today – well – yesterday, well, on Sunday I mean…

For lunch I had a huge hot dog with a friend, followed by countless beers, seamlessly followed by a dinner consumed at a Chinese restaurant, which this time I guess was a little heavier than usual…

Now I’ve been experiencing cramps, but a very shy shit. It’s horrible, c’mon just get this thing done, all right? So I keep pushing and pushing, but my poop seems to be taking its time. WHY?!

And it hurts! FUCK!

And I’m freaking tired! SHIT!

Worst thing of all is that this restless pushing makes me burp a lot.

it’s that sweet & sour pork.

And everything is on again and again…

My body is responding unexpectedly well to beer in these last few days. Would it be because I feel so not stressed?

It is utterly possible, I won’t be questioning it any further, I’ll just enjoy this immediate shit, so soft, compact, healthy!

Yesterday I went out for a pizza, I’ve realised the last time I ate it was at least three weeks ago.

Wow

Pizza is good, I love pizza. I had a couple of beers too.

Good

I love pizza

I love beer

My arsehole is now in a rage mood. I guess he doesn’t love pizza and beer as much as I do….

I guess…

Ok it hurts

Ok arsehole, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! But I need it sometimes, you know!?

Simply hard to take a shit today.

Got to squat to stimulate it.

I hate it when I suddenly need a shit right in the middle of working and I’m forced to relocate to the bathroom with my laptop. The problem isn’t so much working while taking a dump — because that’s actually brilliant — it’s the fact that when I stood up afterwards my legs were completely dead, totally switched off.

I couldn’t walk anymore.

I looked like a complete idiot, legs spread, trousers round my ankles, laptop in hand, trying to make it back to my desk without falling over.

Not a lot to tell about my morning faeces.

Just shit

I am deeply sad, yesterday I had no shit… and I forgot to mention it on my blog…

So I lost my 132-day streak!!!

SHIT!

It’ll take so many turds to get back there!

I don’t understand how my arsehole burns this morning while pooping.

I don’t remember having eaten anything spicy…

Weird.

Poop is not the best too.

Weird

So, now, after a good salad for lunch, now I take a fair shit.

Fluffy

Waiting a friend to lunch at KFC, but I remembered I had no shit this morning…

Quick stop at the toilet, little turd drop, ready for fried chicken.

Have a nice Sunday

As always happens, 2nd of January I end up drinking more than at new year’s eve, for one of my friend’s birthday. It’s a peculiar celebration, he creates some sort of olympic games with its 20/30 friends, and we play homemade sports, drinking and smoking and having a lot of fun.

Problem is, my routine fucks up, my bowels get to process just junk food and alcohol, and I end up constipated but in urge. Oximoronic, but true.

Luckily I have my squatty potty, where I stand, squatting on the toilet.

I’ve been using it for some years now, and I’ve learned that the best way my bowels receipt its perks is mimicking our ancestral way of pooping. Precisely.

That is to say, sitting idling on the toilet is not the best way.

Adding it squatty potty to lift our legs is a little better.

But Squatting arse-mid-air on squatty potty is top of the league. It looks a little sketchy, and it engages our body muscles a lot – which especially in the morning it’s harsh – but it works great!

And my day gets to get amazing!

Another poop moment

Hasty, uneasy, bad