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last   poops

Friday, 24 January 2025 | 7:56AM

by

I have nausea and vertigo, I’ve been sitting on my toilet for almost one hour. I feel sick.

I maintained a streak of 20 days not drinking alcohol, and yesterday I broke it. Had a beer and four red wine glasses. The result is something I was desperately avoiding.

It’s not that I have any kind of addiction, but I noticed I feel way too better when I’m not drinking. And I mean not just physically, my mind benefits from it the most! Lucidity, optimism, memory improved, and an energetic frenzy for projects, stuff to learn and work.

Fuck yeah, I’m going to break my 20-day milestone this time!

But now, I must pay for my mistakes, taking a one-hour-long shit, squashy liquid reeky shit.

Tuesday, 21 January 2025 | 8:20 AM

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My morning shit was soft and squashy this morning.

Thing is though, once I wiped my arsehole, I noticed my shit was reddish.

How odd.

Did I eat an alien without me knowing it??

Well it was good.

Or perhaps even my bowels is celebrating Trump! 🤔

Monday, 20 January 2025 | 7:47 AM

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This morning I wanted to craft a rapid shit, but my plans got wrecked by my bowels

Clusters of turds burst out holding each other’s hand.

Yeah, they don’t have hand, but I need a hand.

Anyone?

Sunday, 19 January 2025 | 10:27 AM

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I was going to write a dull post this morning, about yesterday being constipated, today waking up late and tomorrow have my routine reprised, but it would have been dull.

Instead, Imma just describe today’s consistency.

On a scale from 1 to 10 where one is hard and 10 is soft, today is 5.

As for smell, apparently have none. What else?

Oh, come on! It’s just shit!

Friday, 17 January 2025 | 7:52 AM

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Taking a shit this morning is been really painful. It hasn’t finished yet, but I think the worst is gone.

I got caught by sudden diarrhoea, it lasted some ten minutes, heavy aches on my bowels compromising my serenity.

After the first – hope to be the last one as well – burst I feel exhausted.

Luckily I have no appointments this morning, I am free of rushing to my own bathroom if need it!

Wednesday, 15 January 2025 | 8:36 AM

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Have you ever spent too much time sitting on the toilet, and your shit dried up around your arsehole, making it impossible to clean properly with toilet paper?

Well, that happened to me today.

Wednesday, 15 January 2025 | 8:17 AM

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Yesterday my girlfriend asked me to prepare my tortilla – even if she can cook very well she says my tortillas are the best, or perhaps she just didn’t want to cook, lol – and I did.

They were delicious indeed, vegan and all, healthy and environment friendly, but you know, beans, spicy, veggies…

Laxative effect!

It was difficult to share our one bathroom this morning, and even after she got out, I still find difficulties. My belly bloats, by arsehole farts, and keeps farting.

How does this stop?

Shit.

Btw, if anybody’s interested, here’s my recipe.

–

1. Guac

Mash up two ripe avocados with the juice of 1½ limes. Chuck in two sliced spring onions and a handful of chopped coriander. Done.

2. Rice

Cook 100g basmati rice. Toss in three chopped sun-dried tomatoes and a squeeze of half a lime. Mix it up.

3. Chilli

Heat a splash of olive oil in a pan, fry four chopped onions for 5 mins. Add a teaspoon of cumin, a chopped habanero, and three crumbled dried chillies. Stir, then chuck in 100g tomato sauce, cook 5 mins. Add a tin of red beans (150g), 100g sweetcorn, and a diced pepper. Cook 5 more mins. Stir well.

4. Wrap it up

Warm a tortilla, slap on two spoons of rice, two of chilli, and two of guac. Top with shredded lettuce. Roll it tight. Eat.

Monday, 13 January 2025 | 12:22 PM

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Abruptly startled by a massive diarrhoea.

Luckily I work from home and I could easily transfer my laptop to the loo.

Perhaps that Nutella bread as a snack was a little overwhelming…