Long story short I had my favourite ramen in town with my friend, we had a walk and then we urged back to my place. We need shit.

I came back home finding my girlfriend having a happy hour with some random friends, nice.

Now I am staining my own toilet, my friend is socialising outside, and I, well am having the time of my life. Can’t grant for the next person who’ll enter in the bathroom

Yesterday I must have eaten something too healthy. I only produced three turds, they are two balls and one stick, I get a floating sad face in the water. SIGNS??

Went home early. Gotta go to a funeral. I have some minutes to hang wet clothes, but the propeller inside me denies it. NO, YOU GOTTA SHIT NOW! So I followed its desire, placing a mess inside the toilet

Oh fuck it! I should have said NO to that bloody beer! It was 10:30PM and I was drinking red wine since 7PM, ‘what’s wrong with a Beer?’, I thought. I actually knew this already, I would have ended up regretting that moment. I woke myself up at 6 ‘o clock, and I spent the last thirty minutes waiting for all the shit to push out. It’s a nightmare! I think I already know what kind of disease I have, but I really don’t want it official. Let’s keep silent pooping. Smelly-reeky-painful-shocking pooping.

I (h)ate lasagna for lunch.

Precisely two hours later, I am sitting on the office’s toilet praying for it to finish soon. I smells horribly, it is cramping, it is shattered.

Nice loose crap, nice nice nice

The morning recipe.

be patient. You have a soft cream. DO NOT EAT IT!

I am late, but my arse isn’t finished yet.

And I simply can’t leave home without being sure having it all left behind. Otherwise I’m going to explode, like Atomic Bomb

Now that even my arsehole is aware of the awakening of my body, it’s getting a move on, and exploiting itself.

My arsehole burns

I basically spent three days drinking and not resting, I had guests, and I had to show them around, every bar was a tequila shot. I spent these days having troubles at my best activity ever. I couldn’t properly shit. So my body just woken me up at 6 AM because I couldn’t properly sleep with all of this rubbles inside me. It is a dull post and I know it, the fact is I feel drowsy and confused, and dazed by this fucking smell at the same time.

I’m not sure whether I am awake already or still sleeping, I only know I now have a tail.

I am back to the toilet. My girlfriend refers to me as a Shit machine.

Can’t blame her

Btw, my crap appears smooth and compact, it is made of a group of three or four turds which togeth-WAIT A MINUTE! Right while writing about the key consistency factor of my poop, my arsehole produced something of a new kind, it is a shape-shifter crap with a peculiar sense of mating. It rushes out as single very-fluidy spruts, and they pile on top of one another finding their way outside.

In the end there’s a very funny lump of crap amassed at the bottom of my toilet. Gotta say I am extremely proud of my products today!

There’s something mystical in my habits. I went to sleep at 3AM, after some random drinking. I am awake at 6 AM because of my shit habit. I gotta shit every day right before my morning run. Nice. A clockwork crapper.

Doesn’t matter if my mind is blurred for the rest of the day my days…

It is loose crap. I’d pretty much like to be asleep but I am instead sitting on the toilet. And my arse is stinky

Feels like my body is fucking with me…

I was putting my pants on to go out for a jog, I had just taken some friendly shit.I

was ready… when suddenly one of the most recognisable fart went through down there, it was a solid one.

I had to rush back to the toilet, where I’m at the moment of writing. Everything I’m typing on my phone right now is paired with a great background of my stained underpants.

I mean, elbows on my knees, fingers on my screen, eyes on my undies, staring at that microscopical piece of shit now stuck on the fabric. Nice souvenir for my morning run!