She has just changed her job, she now works in a big firm, so she’s new there in the office… she told me that something never occurred before, my happened to her. Never ever.

So basically she has one poop every day before going to bed, and one poop as she wakes up. She is quite a regular and this makes her have a wonderful clear-bowels day. This regularity disappeared for the whole weekend, when she drank, eat, and lived as a weekend requires.

No shit on saturday, no shit on sunday, no shit on monday morning. Shit. That is no good.

As she arrives to the office, she has her morning coffee, this gave her the right sprint for the beginning of the day, but after a few minutes she starts trembling, her anus shaking, she has goosebumps all around her skin. She resists, for an hour at max, after that, she must had to go to the loo, so she ran for it, closing all doors behind, then sits.

As soon as she sits, a wide quantity of poop spread on the water surface, kind of like oil on the ocean. It was immensity. Vastness. She says she never had such a poop as that, never at home, never outside. She panicked, can’t blame her… it is difficult to manage stuff such these for the first time.

As she finishes, she flushes everything off. A good half of it got actually ejected. The other half was there, everywhere, below the water surface, above it, on the border of the closet, it was a freaking mess.

She starts pushing the flush every two seconds, hoping it fills up again fast, but it is too slow! Shit, shit, shit! Anybody could come inside at any moment!

She starts scanning all the space surrounding her. And she founds it: a grey basin, camouflaging next to the grey wall.

She opens the faucet at maximum speed, filling up the basin and emptying on top of the remaining sticky browns.

Once. Twice, six times. In seven acts, everything was gone. Stink still there, she escaped from the room, and got back to work, after forty minutes.

Still agitated, she is finally sitting at her work station, timorously ogling the toilets’ door. Nobody gets inside.

Everything went through perfectly, wow, anything could go wrong, anybody could have got inside, during her adventure. But she got it. Problem solved.

She shook her head a little, in an excited amusement, as one of her new workmates gives her a worried look.

And he says ‘is everything all right?’

The end

As I said. Yes! There still was something waiting for me, thiner, longer, smoother!

A real piece of shit!

Yesterday I exaggerated. One beer after another. It was even painful to drink most of them, because my belly was still hurting after lung, a giant panini clogged my stomach. So after many drinks, it got to 2:00AM and I went to sleep.

After I woke myself up, I still felt my belly as a balloon. Nothing good. So I had breakfast and that gave me some movements inside.

I went for the toilet and pulled off some pseudo-normal shit. I mean a normal one with a normal-diet-day history.

But inside me there’s more. Much much more. The beer has surely became dense brown juice, and in the near future will fight for a place outside. I must be patience and wait, knowing there’s some harsh surprise hover around for me

Fucking street food. This panini was huuuuge. My belly is going to explode soon for sure.

Better uncork the valve. PLOF, a turd has happened

I had to push really hard for just two stupid stones

I guess it’s too early. Even just one hour difference makes my bowels unusable

Twirled turd, my poop is so absurd.

How so? Well, it is brown stuff getting out of my arse! When you really think about it, seems incredible!

Yesterday I spent the day having a lot and a lot of beer. Not many reasons for that, I just missed my friends, and needed to celebrate

The celebration isn’t over, I see some new friends laying at the bottom of my toilet, they are freaking huge though, yes, it’s wiser to have them as friends .-.

I don’t want to be some enemy, they’d crush me 😰

It’s the beginning of the week, and I harvested fruits of the tree I planted yesterday.

I had a couple of drinks after a 2-week-stop, beer, and a pizza for a late dinner, hence my bowels are pleased to let me know everything went through pretty easily.

But I guess it is more like a warning, sort of like ‘Buddy I can handle this, but please, don’t stress it too much’.

Mmh, seems like a challenge has been placed here…

Beans for lunch,

Ice cream as snack,

I pile up a stack.

I get it, have a shit and post about it is the only thing that makes me happy being alone.

Alone with a ball of turd in the pocket. I mean, in my bowels. I mean, it is now in the toilet.

I’ll flush it down now.

A turd gets out after a few long farts.

Immediate reaction to Burrata

That’s a level-8 shit, definitely. It amassed seamlessly in a little tidy spiral, it’s smooth as smoothie, it has crunchy stuff in it, it stinks at point, sticks a little but not too much on the sides. It is mostly perfect.

Why then level 8 instead of 9? Because the levels above 8 are just for exceptional craps. This is no exceptional one, it is surely special, beyond normality, but still in the normal Range.

Ok so, for a shit like this I suffer a lot for not having a proper system to store it. I mean industrial fridges, chem-tech jars, a charting system. I’d love to make my shit-cantine.

Must do.

Ahhhh, finally a shit worth its name!!!

This is it, a swamp made of floating huge rolls, it is kind of a cauldron recipe, little stinky… but don’t misjudge their repulsive appearance! They have a tender heart!

Amazing! While writing there still is some more sauce to be added to the collection!

I was sure there was something more to come! I mean, it’s just a couple of bucks, but that’s fine!

I hope I can be rewarded for my shit one day…