Monday, 4 January 2021| 12:29 PM

I still can’t cope with the fact we’re in a new year present. Who cares? My shit is splashing out of my arse like freshly-dug petrol.

Sunday, 3 January 2021 | 04:22 PM

Sitting on the toilet, I just realised I had none today. Weird. Well. I had to go! Dull he? Ok. Stop. No. Nope. Go on. Turds thrashing on my arse.