the Shy Tird

Some morning tirds are conical. They start pointy, they end muuch wider!

Bullets!

Third shit in a day, but deluding. A few pebbles

Think I’ll have another shit. Yes.

Cool.

All right.

Yeah.

Shit.

Turds.

Yeah.!

I know I am talking a lot about that video where I take a shit on the floor, but since I uploaded it online my mindset shifted.

I feel like a performance artist now! Will I ever be recognised by one? Dunno.

In the meanwhile, my arsehole is very busy at the moment. Now that I want to take videos of my turds being flushed down I can’t even wipe myself properly.

After that video I posted everything changed in my mind. Am I becoming something else?

Yesterday I could hardly fall asleep, my mind kept producing titles such as ‘I shit in a Jar’, or ‘I shit on the table’, perhaps ‘I shit in front of the Parliament’. I could even sell that damn Jar as a piece of art – it’d be an even tribute to my master!

I keep thinking about this, I believe it’s at least something worth trying…

Yes, I think I’ll start footage these huge turds I’ve just arse-crafted and post it on TikTok

Even if I just single-turd-pooped, I am so proud. I spent the whole day publishing the video of me pooping on the floor and trying to make it viral. It is difficult tho’

When I am lost in creativity I look down at my tirds.

1) do they float?

Yes

2) what shape so they form?

It’s sort of a ‘Y’. Very curly though

3) colour?

Dark brown

I know it’s not about crap, but it’s somehow related.

I’ve been urging to have a pee for I can’t even tell how long.

It’s painful, you know…

Now that I am having it I decided to take the time.

It’s been exactly 2mins 27seconds with no pause.

Much better. Here’s what I needed: a hamburger and some chips and cheese.

Obviously delivered. Frozen up. Bad.

What am I writing?

Nothing worth telling about

If I’ll ever get pregnant I’d experience the difference between giving birth to a child, and extruding tirds. If there are any…

If a tird is too large, my anus stretches.

There are some times I am constipated, That I have to actively intervene with my hands.

I literally pull the turd out of my arse, and I waste it down the toilet.

Feels like using a very special anal plug.

My anus prickles.

Dear fans,

my tird resembles a Salami!

I know I’m not that original every single time I write a post, though running this blog is my passion. I am passionate about something. I care.

Do you? I am talking to those few people I see caring about my crap – I mean, literally!

You really care about this? I love you. I’ve always hoped for some sort-of-fans, and now someone really exists!

Guys, share me, talk about my madness with people. Spread my disease. Let’s beat covid with my crap!

I mean, thank you, supporters! Thank you so much! If I’d ever reach more people it’ll be mostly because of you. You will be rewarded. I will be sending you something. At the moment I made just some stickers. In the future who knows? T-shirt probably. Maybe books…

Guys, I love you.

Sincerely, The Shy Tird

Still trying to get if it’s a tird or just a fart.

Turd count: 7 pieces

Reek: 7/10

Stickiness: 7.5/10

Avg. rating: 6/10

Huuh. Just came back home after a 6-day-new-year-thing-holiday.

Home sweet home

Shit sour shit.

I still can’t cope with the fact we’re in a new year present.

Who cares? My shit is splashing out of my arse like freshly-dug petrol.

Dunno. Just ate too much in the last six days.

Well, even in the last 2 weeks.

New year. New diet.

Shitload-keen diet 😌

Many hours later a single tird is still floating mid-water.

Resilient!

Sitting on the toilet, I just realised I had none today.

Weird.

Well. I had to go!

Dull he?

Ok.

Stop.

No.

Nope.

Go on.

Turds thrashing on my arse.

A little of constipation,

Turns my joy into frustration.

Well. New year. Same shit.

The world is not changed.

Fish in the ocean still dying for petrol leaks.

Tirds still splashing in the toilet.

The world still shines.

Low signal still makes me post offline.

Yet, my tirds are a pile of creamy soup joined to be a compact liquid blob.

Weird? My arse doesn’t know much about abnormalities

There’s a big problem here.

The house I move to spend my new year’s eve has no signal 🙄

I won’t be able to report my shat’s in real time!!!! Fuck.

Who cares, really?

Here comes another surge.

It’s violent.

I’m not yet done. Still sitting here.

Still hurting. Much.

What shall I do? I don’t even believe in God!

There’s nothing I can do but wait for this plague to end by itself 😖

I was relaxing on my sofa, just like I do every morning right after my breakfast. No noises whatsoever in the surroundings, no people stressing me out.

I was almost falling back asleep, when my belly suddenly made me wide awake with a strong and firm hit.

Fifteen minutes later I am still writhing, sitting on my toilet, tirds occasionally be spilled out of my arse, suffering the tortures of the damned.

I had to take a pause every two words. I can’t tell my story any better. I’d rather be dead in such moments.