the Shy Tird

My arsehole was almost forgetting to wish y’all a happy easter.

I was trying to set a egg hunt, but I hid the egg too deep inside my butt.

Sadly wishing you a happy easter.

Big bomb.

Second attempt.

Single nugget.

I’m going to have another day spent doing nothing 🙄

My butt knows… and it refuses to have a shit.

I don’t wont to make no shit today

April’s fool meant much more for me in the past. Now the only joke I had is A 4-hour slumber, because of a huge tird hidden within me.

Oh, btw, it just got out. Is it a joke?

A tip from your crap expert.

If you’re constipated, you’re probably not giving enough time to your primal needs.

Try to sit on your toilet everyday. At the same time. Take at least twenty minutes a day, spread your cheeks, relax yourself, try a bit to take it out. It’ll help.

You know, I fucked up my schedule yesterday, hence I ended up being burdened for the rest of my day. Right now, even if I didn’t feel like needing it, I decided to try. i relaxed, and… IT CAME OUT! It was VERY BIG! It stretched my anus very much, but now I feel great! I could now start my day in the best way possible!

Since I produce way too many turds yesterday, today I skip a day. My belly won’t be happy though 🙄

Seems like I still had loads of stuff inside me to be unloaded. Cramps still pumping.

And I wonder, where the fuck did I store all this crap!?

Btw it’s very difficult to explicate how painful it is to have a normal shit in times like this 😣

So far my morning was nice, I feel a bit drowsy, but it’s nice.

Then,

AN ABRUPT PAIN CONSTRAINTS MY BOWELS.

I rushed to the bathroom, screaming. Me body hurts!!

Part 2

OUCH! While I am sitting here thinking about my life, I feel my arse cracking. I hope it’s just a sensation, though.

My crap is hard, and yet so soft I can’t feel it struggling out.

Unhurriedly getting out, little by little, I’d rather have surgery to get it all out in an instant.

Please. End this soon.

At this point, I am pretty much suffering from insomnia. I don’t know if it’s those beers fault’s or that cheap white wine’s, the only thing I know is, I simply had no crap yesterday, the first time after a long period.

Now, I am having an early breakfast, my usual milk and corn flakes which I enjoy so much. It makes me start my day perfectly.

Yet, my body has decided I cannot enjoy it for today. I feel pain in my stomach. I feel cramps. I gotta rush…

End of part. 1

Nope. it’s just like there’s a cork at the end.

Nope.

Nothing could get out

My report.

A tiny piece of beownish slime lays in the white slope, all the rest is now covered in foam. The little one now gently slides, to join the others.

I really envy his happy social life with his friends…

Life’s not always beautiful, indeed that’s not the best time of my life, I feel worthless.

The only moment in which I feel great is while I take my shit. It’s mine you know, it’s mine.

It makes me feel I’m in peace. I all alone, and yet in great company, a smelly shitty company.

I should have been at the gym already.

BUT(T)…. I am in the loo instead.

…

Right, I’m done here! free

My girlfriend has just got out. RELIEVING!

For me, because I really needed to make it!

For her, because I was asphyxiating her with my farts!

I guess my dull mood is affecting my shit habits. No crap for today 😦

Since I discovered climbing in the last few months I feel like I have to merge my kind of passions. I must go and have a shit hanging from a cliff. Shitting in my toilet feels dull now.

I’ve just taken a peek behind me, there are three turds floating in the pool. I wonder what would it feel like for my friends to receive that massive bullet from the sky….

My average week-day starts like this, I wake up before my alarm, needy of more sleep, I have my breakfast, then I lay on the sofa doing some duolingo. I fall back asleep, but I wake up again by the urge for some serious shit.

I go sitting on my desk to start my marvellous day…

…still thinking about those turds I just released, missing ‘em already

Almost forgetting!

I just need to shortly summarise my shit experience from yesterday.

Woke up at 10:30AM, have some sorta brunch at 12:00PM, took a huge seamless crap at my friend’s house, went climbing outdoor, freezing my arse off, felt the urge for shit, had to keep it inside, store it to save it for the bad weather you know…

Well, had some beers and gin-drinks for dinner (that was my dinner), and went to sleep.

I’ve been sitting on my toilet for twenty minutes now. It’s aggressive!

Let me give you a suggestion: NEVER NEGLECT YOUR CRAP. It’ll get back at you! Stabbing you in the back arse.

One single shot. One is enough

I just feel it. I need it.

Sorry friend, I left some crap in your toilet

Taking a shit while my gf whatches me becomes easier and easier every day.

Conference from the loo pt.2

I had an asparagus omelet for lunch, now the only thing I could smell is asparagus.

Tremendous! Today I am watching the very first live conference from my white throne.

Sometimes I just love COVID, it certainly has its perks.

Now, this is worth a post. Just joking. It sticks my cheeks together.

Nothing great about my crap today. Dullest dull

Constipation.

I never suffered from hemorrhoids, so I don’t know what it feels like. Yet, the only thing I know is, it starts with a bit of a pain while sitting…

Indeed. Yesterday I felt it. I don’t know what it is yet, but it sounds like an injury to me. This kind of job I carry on has its risks…

Well, I’ll just keep posting and shitting and posting and shitting. It hurts a bit, but that’s still the mist wonderful job I’ve ever had!