the Shy Tird

Ok. okokokokok.

I think this solves everything.

Eating as much fruit as one can makes your crap very smooth. No retention. No constipation. No tension.

GREAT!!

A few smoothies

Everybody knows that an apple a day leaves the doctor away.

The reason is simple. As long as you keep eating fruits, you won’t coo your bowels. I

I forgot to eat any fruit for a week, now I am constipated… 😣

I guess anxiety before a job interview plus loads of different cheese types for lunch is making this session worth laughing.

Short an fast.

Later than usual,

Makes this shit delusional

I don’t understand how possible it is, I forgot to post this morning. I shat! Copiously too!

What’s wrong with me???

I am watching youtube videos sitting on my toilet instead of lying on my bed because I had Chinese food for dinner, and a curry for lunch. And, well, I shit!

They say, if you keep doing the same thing every day for a long while, you master it.

If that’s correct, imma be the master of shit.

Consistency is key. Pun intended.

First things first. There’s a long rope made of poop in my toilet. It came from my arse.

It is now silently entering in the foamy pool.

Uh, now it’s solid.

Toilet sweet toilet.

No shit happened to have got out of me today.

Only splendid terrific rotten farts. Terrible

Just arrived back home after a 2-day sleepover.

I ate too much.

Now I shit for the third time in a day, and the amount of crap for each one is still much more than a single normal day shit.

Great day.

Therefore, I sit here, on the white throne. Crap thrashing from my arse.

Now the only thing I could think of is ‘I’m hungry!’, and while I entertain the idea of eating some doughnuts, I’m arse-crafting brownish tenders.

My physique can’t afford what I gave him yesterday.

It was pizza, followed by some beers, followed by much white wine, followed by a huge plate of pasta.

At 3:00 in the morning, I realized I was clogged. Something had to get out. So I ran to the lol, sure I would have puked. I sat on the toilet instead, and I waited in distress.

Finally, it came out. I am not sure how big it was since I was drunk, I only know I’m sitting outside, a bit hangovery, birds are singing, flowers are blooming. And I am ready for another shat.

Finally, I could shit.

It is very stinky, relieving, and intimate at the same time.

I spent all my day free-climbing, everything went well, except for the fact that I simply needed a shit all day long.

Fun fact. One of the guys I was with went taking a crap behind a rock and I basically saw everything.

It’s been the first time I realized how the few people who read my blog could feel.

In conclusion, that’s amazing! Everyone who reads should share my work with pride, let’s expand this universe together! Let’s expand our anuses together!!

Yesterday I had two hamburgers for dinner, I put some onions on top, and some cheese of course… the meal contained so much fat that I could feel my throat nauseating.

Well, at least it’s now getting out, less fatty than before, but the same exact brown nuance.

Can’t say why exactly but these days I feel like there’s a tird constantly hiding behind every fart I make.

Resulting in a constant fear of shit myself in the most uncomfortable situations

Sticky crap sticks everywhere. First it sticks around my anus as it gets out. Then it sticks in my skin.

…it detaches, flying…

Finally it sticks to the white slope, ceasing its momentum. Ending its career as a brilliant tird.

It is time for a little turd, right before slumber

I wonder what it’d happen if my phone fell in the toilet while taking a shit…

Would some tird dedicate some nice words to me?

Probably my phone would just die.

At least today it would, I mean, it is ok to be waterproof, but it is not yet shitproof.

Hooray! Massive shat!

I am lighter then ever this morning

Ok.

Ah! Here it is! 3-inch long brown-chilli-pepperish

I am trying again to pump up my instagram account. Will it bring any benefit this time?

Sure enough it doesn’t affect my crap. She’s still inside my body. Hiding.

Apparently I still got something left to dispatch from yesterday.

Very nice.

I’m hanging on.

Am still here.

Still shitting.

Emptying.

Finally, the morning after, I am able to expel all the Bad things.

Feeling relieved, I think there might be something still hiding inside. Hideous.

Basically I spent the day eating. Hummus, artichoke lasagna, tiramisu, chocolate eggs.

…and two bottles of wine, not to he forgotten!

Now I am kind of hoping this intestine torture could end soon. The problem is that to put an end to it, I must dispose of many sticky tirds…

In the meanwhile, my bowels hurt!

My morning began with a light pain in my belly. I wake up, had breakfast.

I’m now sitting on my toilet, three long farts. My belly pain has left.

Then. Something more of matter came.

Not much else.

My arse burns, easter is on.

Everyone is happy (not true).

A huge piece of shit is stuck mid-arsehole.

This is a satisfying shat

I am terrible at writing

Follow me

I am shitting

Taking a shit

I am drunk

The tird stuck is now gone.

I feel happy (not true)

I love having this blog.

Now share me. I am a whore

Shit-whore

Happy easter from the shy tird