the Shy Tird

A new week begins. I am here on my toilet, and my brain goes storming.

I think I need some improvements on my toilet. Do you think that smooth china object is already perfect like this? You’re wrong!

The world is plenty of useless devices, sharing big data with the big brother up there. We shall protest, we shall rebel.

I shall invent the smart toilet, it could weigh our shit, testing its consistency, register the time and the streak each human produce. Even color could be at count.

If I only had the money, I’d do that. It’s fucking genius! It’s the most useful smart device that could ever exist!

I guess bonding with my gf went a bit further. I’m now shitting with her dancing naked in front of me.

Curled child

FINALLY, 12-hour late, I’m able to exploit my dues. An intense headache arose. My bowels controls my life. Shit controls the world.

This evening I’m struggling to install cracked software on my friend’s new Macbook.

Since I still had no shit today, I am asphyxiating him with my terrible-stink-climaxing farts.

I took the chance to reveal to him this very personal blog. He was too involved.

Yesterday I completely forgot to set my alarm for this morning. my today’s first words ‘NO! Shit!”

This meant I barely found the time to have a rapid shower, but had no time whatsoever to have a shit. I am scared now, I feel burdened, I ate a lot yesterday, loats of meat, pasta, even ice scream!!

What really gives me true fear is, there is no window in at my work’s toilet 🙃. And I am not alone here…

All right then! let’s go back to farts work!

I shat this morning but I forgot to jot it down.

right, who really cares?

Btw now I am hungry

I am so tired I can’t even squeeze myself to shit.

You can stay inside today, mate!

Another one for the masses

I’ve been writing on this blog for a while now, I’ve been taking shits since I was born, and yet I still get surprised by this kind of turds.

I filled the cup with soft rods, pretty light brown. They look so smooth and healthy. I feel like a God who has just created creatures.

People = shit

It’s so fun being a first timer!

I’ve just inaugurated a new toilet with my very first shit at work!

So self-realising! Such a day to be remembered!

Now. How do I get rid of this tedious reek? There’s no window here! 😕

Back again on the insomnia. If it does not let ME sleep, it doesn’t allow my bowels to rest too.

So here I am waiting for… what?

UH! I heard something poppin!

Tryin’ Having a quicky, but it’s hard.

Read it again and again. It gets more and more sense

Midday shit. Nothing so great about it.

Yet, it’s FUCKING MIDDAY SHIT!!

Cringy post

I really don’t know what was on my mind when I decided to have some pretty huge sandwiches for lunch.

Now a pretty huge brownie is waiting for me to find a toilet.

I haven’t slept the best way. So now My stomach is not ready to deploy.

Nevertheless, I decided to sit spreading my cheeks, hold it still, and contract my abdomen.

It worked. BRILLIANT! I was only able to produce some sort of curly maggots 2-inches long. I mean, they are very narrow and light brown colored.

I have to say, I don’t feel self-accomplished at all! 🙁

I think I found some balance. Not eating too badly, having many fruits and veggies. Do loads of sport… It nourishes me. It regularizes my bowels for sure.

Still… I feel like I know it. I just need to skip my routine for just one day, and my turds will start passing to the dark side.

DART TURD is coming, I kinda feel it!💀

PS this one wasn’t bad enough, but the yesterday’s curry was hiding inside it hideously

I frankly don’t know how to express my joy.

It is the first time in a very long while I am taking the classical shit.

It’s composed of three distinct tirds. They are all very compact, twisted just a little, dark brown, in between of smoothness and roughness, just the right amount of lumps.

If I had a photographic studio I’d frame the picture of the year. It is simply too much. Too much beauty before my very eyes. I am moved. I start crying.

…or just maybe… I am crying because of its burning smell.

Tirds like chalk

They wrote something on the slope of my WC.

It’s ‘fuck you’

😦

Done!

Last week, I achieved my week-day sobriety, balanced by some beers both on Saturday and Sunday.

Nice. I feel more powerful now.

Or at least will once I deployed all the rubbish still inside me.

Yesterday I randomised my nutrition.

Normal breakfast (guaranteed), then I ate two carrots and an apple from 10AM to 5PM

At 5PM I started feeling a bit hungry, so I ate a red steak. 3 beers after that, and some pizza for dinner (9PM).

My arse doesn’t understand what happened. Indeed it just 2-minute farts, and 1-kg turd, and repeat.

Yesterday I had to skip dinner. I bough some roasted potatoes on my launch brake and I finished processing ‘em at 11:00PM.

Now everything tat went in, must come out!

But it’s a massacre.

Not an international phenomenon yet. Yet, I consider myself The shitfluencer.

And the funny thing is my shit is nothing different from the others’

Almost forgetting to have a writing here!

I started a new job this week. Until I set myself up, I won’t have regular shits, I tend to forget to write about them, I am sleeping a lot.

Btw, the one lying at the bottom of my toilet cannot be defined as a tird. It has no shape, it sticked on my arse’s skin, it’s pale brown.

At least my belly doesn’t hurt! …wait a minute…😖

I was just having a little pee and a huge turd got out!🤯

First of all, I need breakfast, then I need it to sediment inside me.

After up to twenty minutes I am ready to expel.

Here I am consecrate this new day with a resounding shat!

I love singing on my toilet.

While I am shitting.

While I’m on an online meeting.

While I’m writing this post.

Yesterday I cooked myself some Basmati rice with tomato and courgette. My shit this morning has no scent at all.

Unexpected eruption.