the Shy Tird

I thought what I experienced this morning was enough. I could not be more wrong.

I was working smoothly when a call from within reached me abruptly. I am now defecating what seems like lava, at my office toilet, which has no windows, just an old under-performing vent. 😐

In the meanwhile, my bowels feel more tangled than wires behind TVs. Oh, and it hurts!

It is way too early to be awake already. Here’s what’s happened.

There’s this friend of mine who raps, he’s been telling me he does ever since I knew him. Whole these years I never happened to have listened to him. Yesterday he made kind of a debut with his crossover band, Thursday is not exactly the best day for a gig but I simply couldn’t miss his show.

So I went to the gym, I got out and I had a kebab, I got to the party and a friend of mine handed me a zoot, cool. Yes, it was a bit cool. I was freezing my arse off, I wasn’t prepared for such a strong wind. BTW, while smoking I felt my belly hurting, ‘oh shit, it’s coming!’. I successfully tried to make it pass. Then I kept drinking my three beers.

It was all very nice. There was even a mosh-pit, which I sling myself into every time possible. I slept bitterly, waking up every two hours for a wee, then at 5 o’clock my belly couldn’t procrastinate over, and here I am, painfully piling crap inside my toilet.

Painfully. It hurts. Everybody’s sleeping still, I can’t thrash things around me, not even yell in pain. It does have to stay inside me, pain at least! Shit is very much outside. Very much indeed, it’s so abundant it loaded my toilet above the water.

That said, Let the weekend begin!

I’ve got to say what’s just happened doesn’t happen very often. It never occurred before to me indeed.

I was about to leave the office when I realised I might have needed a shit, so I sat on the toilet. I stretched for a while, but nothing seemed to get out apart from some random air. Well, after ten minutes I bailed.

What was utter surprise it’s the little turd I saw floating mid-water once I turned around to flush it.

It made my day

Yesterday I had pizza for dinner, and I am the kind of person who orders it once a month. I thought I would have had a good solid Tird for shitting this morning, but it didn’t happen 🙁

Only a few droplets, such a shame!

Even if I spent 40 minutes trying, no turd got out.

Not even a shy one 🙁

In the morning pooping often does not come easily, nevertheless I don’t haste, I grab my hammer and I build this shit BRICK BY BRICK!

Gotta admit I thought I had more to shit today.. yesterday I took it for relaxing, the most relaxed one was my digestive system, I barely ate. I did no poop. I rested

Now it kinda feels something has piled up inside me..

Since I emptied myself less than 4 hours ago, I don’t have anything to do here, sitting on the toil- OH WAIT! Here’s a little thing.

A crazy little thing called tird

My belly hurts, btw…

Fucking back home.

Crap from my arse becomes PAIN.

Cannot describe it better.

Okay, long story short, I’ve just left a party in the middle of nowhere. I spent the whole week abstaining from alcohol. Tomorrow I’ve got to work pretty early.

I have just left the place. I mean, I drove for like 100 meters, then I had to pull over, DIARRHOEA coming.

Now I am writing, my cheeks spread right next to an olive tree (I mean, I feel its leaves caressing my butt), shit getting out. My bowels hurt.

Everything seems sooo ordinary..

Gotta share this, I spent the day learning how to print in 3D with earth. Aka mud.

Aka it looks like you basically print with shit. I mean, there’s this brownish stuff being extruded. It’s dirt. It fucking shit!

Fun day.

There’s nothing else I did apart from open my eyes and sitting on the toilet this morning. Normally it doesn’t work. I mean, nothing works, my body don’t. Nevertheless I am shitting with no troubles.

Yeah, I know, this post doesn’t tell much. But think about it, it’s one kind of a goal to reach!

Just a little nugget at work, my boss invited me an ice cream, you know…

There are basically two kind of people, those who have a shit-routine, and those who have not.

I am both. I take a shit every day at around 7:30AM. Whenever I feel like I need it, I do that.

It’s not 7:40 in the morning right now, ain’t it? Still pretty smelly though! 🤢

I produced a good amount of shit already, and yet I fee like it is just the tip of the iceberg…

I’m late though, I guess I’ll figure it out during the day! 😖

Ok, get up, c’mon!

My session lasted quite longer than usual, now my arse is toilet-shaped

What can I say? I ate loads of bread this morning. I simply clogged my body. Now I am at the toilet. Everything’s still… still. Still, I wait. Still.

After a 6-day no-alchool-streak, I drank some beer yesterday. IMMEDIATELY my shit recognises the poisonous substance, and rebels.

Squashy

Sometimes I enjoy so much my weekend I could forget doing shit. Sometimes shit happens. Sometimes shit happens not to happen.

I guess it’s life… shitty life!

Even if there’s my girlfriend right next to me, and there’s shit getting out of my arse, ir now seems normal.

Awesome

On monday I began my alchool-free-period, dunno yet how long will it be.

So far I’ve been good, so I thought I wouldn’t have had problems with my bowels.

Well, I was wrong. It feels like there’s a nuclear reactor inside my belly. ☢️

Flaming meatball shitball

After a long struggle, I am finally able to have some shit. It’s not much, but it is what it is!

Mark D+

Third day without alcohol. My shit it’s starting to feel healthier.

And duller

But also creamier!

Lost in toughts mud

It’s sort of the only joy of today. A brown nugget out of me.

Will it be a metaphor of all of my pains and anxieties? Expelled in the form of shit.

This morning feels so jazzy…

Everything around is still dressed in dark, only a thread of golden light filters through the window, it’s dawn. Summer feels gone, my feet on the pale tiles starting getting cold. Sure enough, this jazz album I am listening to gives it all more sense.

Inside this bucolic picture, I am sitting here, on the white marble, no brown whatsoever seems to be ready to get out, it seems like she doesn’t like such romantic atmospheres. Such a shame, I was thinking of bringing her to Paris…

I have been waiting the whole day for this.

My bosses are finally out. I can SQUEEZE MY SHIT OUUUUUUT!

GET OUT LITTLE PIECES OF MUD!

My day has been pretty harsh today, until now. X

My week begins badly.

Still looking forward to the day I’d be able to share scents

I ate toooo much for the whole week, now my bowels rebel.