a new post every time I take a shit
This morning I woke up way too early, my alarm was set for 6:30AM, but I woke up at 3AM. Undigested pizza gave me insomnia.
I tried and tried to push and get rid of what was burning inside me, but it wasn’t ready yet, so I simply waited. And here I am! Let’s start the week with a great 3-hour slumber BUT now it can really start!
Constipation turns diarrhoea in just three hours. NICE!
You know, it’s Monday, as such, I start my working week, like many others.
Just like many others, as soon as I sit on my desk, I just wish it’s already Friday. It is not.
What could worse than a standard blue Monday? this
It’s Sunday night, and have a beer with friends. Cool. We’re hungry and we take a pizza. Still cool. I get home and I go to sleep ASAP, it’s just 11PM. Coolest moment ever.
Nice, ain’t it?
It’s 2 AM, I wake up thirsty as fuck, sweating and heating. Not so cool anymore. I go have a wee, and go back to sleep. Right. I wake up again, it’s 3AM, feels like just 5 minutes has passed, still thirsty, still my bowels are swell as fuck.
This time I try and sleep again, but I can’t.
I decide to go to the loo, let’s try some poo.
Nope. I’ve been sitting in for like a hour, with no results, that fucking pizza killed me, and you know? It’s still, already, fucking Monday early Morning!
What could go worse?
Uh, constipation is here, no shit at all has been deployed. I am still fucking here, can’t sleep, and my alarm is set to be drilling in 2 hours.
End of the story. (Hopingly)
Sunday? Half a shit
First shit of the day at noon means my routine is fucked up, and I’m going to feel the burden all day long… 😔
Now, why diarrhoea at 04:50 PM?
Great! Luckily I am doing home-office today
Today my arsehole spread quite much, two turds one attached to the other with a huge caliber.
Nice. Where do I store all of this shit?
Incroyable!
It’s happening something odd, these last few days.
I keep needing a shit right after lunch…. well well. I guess it’s not that bad, I mean, it means I work, right? My biology is totally fine!
Yeah sure…. I only hope nobody enters this bathroom for a while now…
I slept very poorly, and I can’t understand if it’s because that kebab roll I ate for dinner, or just because my mind plays with me, but now I just know that I am floating with my head, and this shit session feels like a dream.
A dream with concrete leftovers…
What the fuck is happening to my arsehole?
I’ve been farting all evening long, and now popping shit at my office’s bathroom.
What changed? Let’s think…. could be perhaps that new Kefir drink my boss bought…yeah, maybe…
Now let’s bail!
Today no shit, just farts. A lot of farts
Fuck hummus! I keep eating it at lunch with my colleagues, but it just makes me pop!
Now I’m in the bathroom, farting and shitting like pop corns.
It’s just NUTS! It also kinda look like…
Taking a poop in the morning is not that easy, especially of you just woke yourself up and went sitting straight on the toilet. It simply doesn’t work like this.
In fact I am used to having breakfast first, and only then, going to the loo.
Oh well, I think I’ll just be patient… I have to!
Indeed, some pieces start falling…
Smooth shit! Woha! Wasn’t expecting this…
As I spent the weekend eating a lot at my girlfriend’s mom, I thought I’d have had just hard shit, instead, it’s a smooth and easy discharge!
Well, nice!
Smooth turds for a Sunday morning
Saturday morning shit is always an unexpected variable, it surely depends on what I did the night before, but even if I just was a good boy, it could happen to have some kind of diarrhoea.
This morning, I’m happy because everything is calm, one huge single turd, not too hard, not too soft. Pretty standard right?
Everything is perfect for beginning a good weekend, there’s just one thing, whether is shit.
I pushed hard hard today.
It kinda reminded me of that 20-year-old GIF I used to have in one of my first color-screen-phones where a toon guy pushed as hard as possible to take a shit, so hard his head swallowed and reddened, so hard his head eventually exploded, he finishes kneel on the floor, barearse, and finally the turd gets out, and splashes in the toilet.
Please, if anyone still has this GIF, it would be a great present
Basically, this morning I woke up too early, and my bowels were still too drowsy.
Since I arrived early, nobody is here yet, so I can shit in peace 😎
Having a shit is a lot difficult this morning. One single turd was hidden inside me and I had to push as hard as I could to get it out.
Package delivered, eventually…
Eventually I had no shit at the office, I juat farted a lot. I’m sure they’re going to notice it eventually….but I made it through the day, until I went to the office and I keep farted. This time probably my climbing mate noticed the reek surrounding me…
Btw, now I’m home, taking a shit, intermittently, since every turd is blocked by some farts -.-
Taking a little shit. Too little for yesterday’s beer night…
Hope it won’t happen at the office….
Chili beans for dinner?
Spicy dreams at night.
Hefty fireworks in the morning.
I banished my girlfriend from the bathroom.
More to say? You should just experience what I’m living right now, the sound and smell would be more than enough!
Devilish lashes our of my arses.
Actually it is just one, but feels like taking more shit from more than one arsehole.
Idk, perhaps it’s just me being weird
At my parents’ for Sunday lunch.
Actually, at my parent’s toilet, for my bonus shit, BEFORE Sunday lunch.
Great.
Always comfortable to shit on the toilet you grew up
Some hard shit
This morning, taking a shit is hard as shit
Perhaps it’s a little too early…
I don’t know if this happens only to me, but often in the morning, right after breakfast, there’s me doing the dishes in the kitchen and my partner in the bathroom doing her things.
As striking as a thunder, suddenly some shit pile inside my bowels, it’s too much, I feel I can’t cope with it, and the worst thing of all is I can’t run to the loo!
So I push it back, once, twice, as many times as I can. But after every push, it gets harder and harder, and the urge more and more intense.
Finally my girlfriend leaves, I kiss her with the sole love capable of making me resist a little more push., then I rush to the bathroom, drifting as I was in a F1 tournament, and I finally sit on my toilet.
Here I am, fully discharged.
Feeling well
Feeling at peace.
My day can now begin.
Good old same shit every morning. This morning though, it’s harder than usual, and my bowels fartier than usual.
Pop pop
Yesterday I had pizza. This morning I made not enough shit.
I’ll keep farting all the morning. FUCK!
Vegetables are FUCKING important!!!!
Yesterday I had no shit, so I lost my 43-day streak 😦
I’m sad, let’s get back to work.
Shit in the morning. check!
Finally back to the apartment. Now I can take another splatter.
I hate diarrhoea.
the Shy Tird 