Friday, 29 November 2019 | 07:49 AM

Choices are extremely important in life, just like the one I made yesterday.

Should I or should I not eat lentils for dinner?

Hell! I did eat them! So my arse has just launched the first turpedo.

Thursday, 28 November 2019 | 10:31 PM

Here is my third shat of the day.

With it I just initiate my new phone.

Great.

Thursday, 26 November 2019 | 03:22 PM

While the rest of the world can’t wait for black friday, I already had a bit of a brown thursday.

Thursday, 28 November 2019 | 07:54 AM

Every freaking time I eat pizza my belly ends up tackling over-collected air pressure.

You know car tyres has their own right pressure, they tend to deflate, then you’ve got to inflate them back.

My intestine works just the other way around: it keeps inflating.

Problem is I cannot release gas with the cap still on!

Morning afters like this one are so satisfying. Yet it is a hard job. A naughty one.

Luckily my sturdy stomach got used to that.

Wednesday, 27 November 2019 | 09:47 AM

Gee! I almost broke my record!

This tird was not shy whatsoever!

Must have been at least 8’’!

Tuesday, 26 November 2019 | 08:07 AM

There is something mystic about loos in the morning: sun shading shapes through the shallow window.

I feel like a philosopher today. Can’t tell why for sure. Must be faeces inhalations.

Monday, 25 November 2019 | 07:37 PM

‘Pop pop’ My colon says.

I returned the call delivering the parcel.

Monday, 25 November 2019 | 02:35 PM

Just got home after having paid the fine I deserved following my car crash.
My arse burns.

Monday, 25 November 2019 | 09:21 AM

It is extremely hard to overcome the feeling of having done something wrong. Losing my girlfriend, losing control of my car, ending up in a car crash. If I can’t take care of stuff I love, If I am not even able to take care to the people I love! I am not worth it.

Today gravity works the other way around: it feels like tirds coming out of my arse are nothing compared to the amount of crap who’s producing them.

Monday, 25 November 2019 | 12:16 AM

Night time. Same old shit.

Sunday, 24 November 2019 | 09:44 AM

You know, today is a Sunday, still not a day of sun.

I am always talking about shit and stuff. Even though I was not sitting on a closet, yesterday I did the most massive shat I made ever.

It’s been a sad life for me recently. The dullest days of my life. I feel like I am depressed, probably I am not, and yet I am having dull days. Everything goes bad.

My self esteem used to be great all the time. Maybe too much…

I feel like I can’t fail. I am the best.

Hell, I am not. I was coming back home, it was midnight already. It rained for the whole day, and was still, the thinnest drops. Road was slippery, I was taking a bend. Usual speed. Above 20mph, as always (I am an ass, as always. Indeed).

Basically I lost control on the slippery ground, banked right and left, my car did a spin and crashed on the rail. Fortunately I was unhurt. Not physically. In my mind, I am devastated. My brain hurts. I cried and cried.

The worst thing is I just realised I cannot learn from mistakes. I had two more accidents in the last two years. But I had many other near-misses.

You know what’s the funniest part?

The first near miss I’ve had, ever, was on a bend. Slippery road. I was rushing back home. I desperately needed a poop.

It looks like three years apart I had my great shat! Will it be satisfactory enough though?

PS. Don’t worry, my arse have been extruding mass ever since I started to write this post, twenty minutes ago. It is yucky, yet nothing compared to the other one.

Saturday, 23 November 2019 | 09:33 AM

This moment is weird. It has been long time without constipation.

I just sat, before my morning shower, I though I got something, but apparently nothing wants to come out. Must be my feelings’ fault. I broke up with my girlfriend, and everything seems dull now.

Friday, 22 November 2019 | 06:43 PM

It’s been 15 months now, since I started wondering ‘Am I gluten intolerant?’

I ate a sandwitch for lunch, then I spent the rest of the evening working on my laptop struggling, concentrating myself on holding those painful farts. The coloured one, you know.

I dropped the amount of pasta I used to eat everyday ever since I was a boy. In the end, even if all the clues brings me to the conclusion I AM indeed gluten intolerant, I’ve decided I just don’t wont to know it.

Friday, 22 November 2019 | 07:56 AM

It is so liberating when you get rid of the anvil hidden in your stomach!

Thursday, 21 November 2019 | 07:11 PM

I was struggling keeping this inside. My body could not wait for it.

Driving in traffic, holding farts for too long, freezing on the road.

Finally this is the moment. I am home. Warm all around me. I sit, My anus could finally let it go. Expand.

I am free.