Sunday, 16 February 2020 | 2:33 PM

“It’s so good to be alive!” Said the tird right before drowning in the pool

Saturday, 15 February 2020 | 10:02 PM

It happens sometimes: you feel like you have something to expel. You feeeeeeel it! But it won’t get out – arsehole!

Still, you have to squeeze it so hard – arse hole – you feel you head’s about to explode.

That reminded me of an old GIF we used to send to each other’s some ten years ago, via infrared technology or first Bluetooth version. It was a drawing of a man sitting on his toilet, pooping, squeezing it hard. It head starts becoming redder and redder, it starts blowing until, suddenly, it explodes. The man’s headless body tumbles on the floor, kinda kneeling, and at the end of the GIF – punch line – a shy tird sprouts from his bottom and hoops into the toilet.

Five stars or of five.

Saturday, 15 February 2020 | 01:51 PM

We’re far from reaching a promising level in advanced robotic…
All these years spent on mimicking a human body…
It’ll never work, if they ain’t pooping yet!

Friday, 14 February 2020 | 06:35 PM

So it’s Valentine’s Day uh?

I’ll shape a heart from my tirds then!

Friday, 14 February 2020 | 09:16 AM

There are moments in life when you just have no time for your life.

In these moments you can’t even find time for a shat!

Still, you should. Your body needs it. You need to expel all the dross your organism has produced.

Then, as you do this, especially during stressful periods – like this one, you know, you are stressed!! – that slag is really bad.

Reek all over the place, as if it was a dump.

Thursday, 13 February 2020 | 07:29 AM

Speaking of vegetarians, yesterday I hate a super-tasty hamburger.

I put mustard spread on the top half bread, ketchup on the lower one, caramelised onions, and a good Italian smoked cheese I had on top of my patty, melted.

Oh by the way, my burger was rare – cow must still be bellowing, I say – and I cooked with BBQ sauce.

Eating it was pure pleasure. Shitting it is a scourge.

Wednesday, 12 February 2020 | 07:54 AM

I’m thinking of hiding a gps tracker inside my tirds. I’m keen on discovering where will they end up.

Tuesday, 11 Febbraio 2020 | 06:29 PM

Nevertheless, I keep eating beans. And I keep shitting bad.

Tuesday, 11 February 2020 | 07:58 AM

Some days ago I watched Netflix’s Game Changers, in which they basically suggest you to go vegetarian. Apparently fat contained in meat makes your blood plasma foggy.

I already knew red meat is not that safe for your body, though I like meat’s flavour!

Anyway, there’s this scene where a medical doctor make a 2-day basic experiment with three pro football players. He feeds them two burrito each, one of them them is already vegetarian, so he eats bean burritos, the other two eat two meat-based burritos each.

After their digestion have took place, the doctor takes them a blood sample. The only sample with a clear plasma is the vegetarian’s one.

The day after, the doctor feeds them two bean-burritos each, and their samples are all so clear you can see through it.

Now. I am really happy they all went vegetarian after that – good for them! And for the planet! Still, how do they cope with their farts? How do they get away with a stinky spongy dark brown shit EVERY FREAKING DAY?

You know, just wondering.

Monday, 10 February 2020 | 07:31 PM

Droplets like rabbits

Monday, 10 February 2020 | 11:49 AM

Home sweet home.

That’s it! It doesn’t matter how much crap you make when you’re outside, once you get home you can really express yourself.

Sunday, 9 February 2020 | 11:45 PM

Enough is enough! There was a storm coming in the whole Northern Europe ok?
Fine. Flight delayed. I’ve lost my flight connection. Then I still had to wait and wait and waitandwaitandwait… until.

I now have my hotel room (yet another one. YAY), in which toilet I could finally have my shit.

Sunday, 9 February 2020 | 09:26 AM

I am still sitting here. I think my friend is now fully awake, I can heard him listening to some music on the phone.

Sorry mate. I’m still here, I still got shit thrusting out from my arse. Can’t help it! X

Sunday, 9 February 2020 | 09:16 AM

When I’m stilly drowsy in the morning and I’m shitting, sometimes, sometimes it feels like I’m still dreaming.

It’s a kind of ethereal sensation… not even bad.

Then, suddenly, my nose receptors wake up.

Saturday, 8 February 2020 | 11:15 PM

When I’m on vacation I just eat too much stuff.

Fuck me!

I even shit too much!