First things first, I woke up to do a shit. That’s what Saturdays are made for.

I’ve got the whole day ahead so I can just enjoy this naughty pleasure I love.

Taking a crap is on my top five moments of life

A day off. I spent the day planning my podcast. It’ll be called The Shyt Show, will get out weekly, and I’ll be reading my week’s shit out loud.

I was on the sofa, making record tryouts, when suddenly, my session was interrupted by this snake of crap, it has born death though.

All right, I don’t have time for a shit right now, let’s move on, we have a show to broadcast here!

Two tirds, both big and expelled in a fraction of time. Shit made easy.

Can’t connect my brain, the only thing I see is war, there’s a deadly missile laying on the water, it is brown and has wrinkles, has it got out of me? Do ai have war inside me?

This and many other questions belong to to nighttime.

Whatever, Yesterday I had an ice cream for dinner, nothing else, it’s clearly not the healthiest choice I could make, and my body felt it.

I just find it cool that the sweet snack was more or less square-shaped, while this brownie tird is spiky and has an aerodynamic techy shape. The fact their color is just the same, I guess it was just luck!

At the bottom of the post, gotta do it, I must promote my brand new TELEGRAM CHANNEL, where anybody could stay up to date on the latest Shiiiiiit I make. Give it a look!

So what about it?

I am doing it again, taking a shit.

We’re approaching a deadline at work, so I had to work until a few of minutes ago, when I got back home, by boss offered me an ice cream, I never say no to ice cream.

My shit now is creamier than that ice which provoked it.

Even if my body was still bloating, I slept fairly good, the problem now is, I woke up early as usual to go running, but I am now stuck on the throne. Crap seems endless, farts as well, my schedule is fucked. My arse is relaxed. The shit, is still shit.

Finally, my bowels are deflating, with a little help though…

You should see me, I’m on the sofa doing the candle position to make gravity activate my stupid lazy intestines. Every once in a while a fart pops, then the pain goes on.

I wonder how long will it last…

I had pasta for lunch and, FUUCK I’m bloating! Seriously, I feel like half the mass of my body is now Gas! It’s terrible!

And it doesn’t even get out! I’m about to take a needle and blow myself off

At first I thought my body wasn’t going to make it this time, that I would have had to get out with no shit done. I sat down, I immediately started pushing, I pushed hard and hard and hard, as hard as I could, even if I am still very drowsy. WROOOOOOOOSH.

Everything went off at light speed. Now the toilet is filled with brown energy. CRAPPPPOWEEEER!

My day can now begin.

After this morning’s naughty moves, my bowels keeps quiet.

Is it the calm before the storm?

Hey yo! Now you can read my shits, daily, on Telegraaaaam!

Joi the channel: https://t.me/theshytird

This morning I decided not to have a poop right before my running session, I was afraid that I may end up taking a crap somewhere behind a bush, but I was lucky. Insted I spent the first two-kilometre stretch alternating steps and farts. It was a bumpy workout!

Now I am comfortably sitting on my toilet, and I feel eve luckier, with such a yucky shit, it would have been a very dirty workout.

And the shit keep getting out!

My girlfriend preparing Tzatziki, me taking a shit. She needs a feedback on its flavour but I am already deploying crap. Never mind… I said, our relationship has already reached higher peaks, it’s fine.

She immediately came to me with a spoonful of the white sauce and put it in my mouth. I’ve got to say some garlic was missing, but that wasn’t easy to spot, my nose was already filled with my crap’s smell.

I was just finished writing it, when she came back with another spoon, I tasted it, and it was better, the smell of my poop probably enriched it now.

I feel a little dizzy, I shall be sleeping right now, but instead I am here on my toilet trying to push evil out. I am not sure wether there might actually be some evil inside me or not, but the matter of the fact is that I feel my insides burning and twisting.

Ok, after a few minutes spent pushing and hard breathing like a mom giving birth, there’s some monster getting out. It is amorphous and very ugly, and I am feeling a little more better jolt after jolt, piece by piece deployed.