Live from the white throne. I’ve just had breakfast and I was headed to the shower, the toilet was in between, so I decided to take some advantage of it.

I achieved almost nothing. I’ve just stained the slope with the littlest turd ever. POINTLESS.

The beginning of the day means deflating, i.e. MANY FAAARTS. And a huge piece of crap after me, i.e. A BIG TURD.

That doesn’t make me awake, though

I have a freaking serious gas problem. I’m constantly bloating. I am serious. My bowels are highly problematic. And flammable I believe…

So now, I’d pretty much like to sleep, BUT, this internal air I’ve got stored within me is very discomfortable. It stresses me out!

Ok ok… GOTTA RELAAAAX.

A little silent fart while working right next to my colleague. He hasn’t noticed anything! :3

I am taking polka dot shit. Yes this is what I’ve just made, a polka dot poop.

It is brown and has loads of black freckles in it, they seem like small gems mounted on it in a pretty precise way.

Now I am trying to gather my thoughts and remember what did I eat that could have caused it… but I simply can’t recall. Well let’s just imagine My arse became a painter!

So in the morning, what was anticipated by some gas, now becomes toxic waste.

The pool’s water is split in two, at the bottom there’s solid dregs, on the surface there’s the oily floating liquid. Which one’s more worth?

To be on the safe side, I’ll just flush everything away. I am just worried for the planet though…

It’s almost four o’clock in the morning and I can’t sleep. That hamburger I had for dinner really needed some more cooking. Stomach issues.

On the other side (literally) my intestines kept producing farts. Farts I had to expel as soon as dully developed. My bowels give me insomnia 😡

I am deeply sad for the loss.

And pretty impressed.

The huge shit flushed off almost instantly, with a little help from the brush, I’ve seen my son die in half past a second :((

Ever since I finished crafting my first shit, this morning I felt like there was more.

I stopped thinking about it for a while, gotta focus on work to do! Nice. Ok.

Then my boss went out early, I had lunch, and the toilet was all for me. It actually is.

Yeah. I am sitting on this little toilet (my office’s toilet is a bit low) and I’ve just made the longest turd ever. I mean, GUINNESS WORLD RECORDS, can you hear me??

Now, how do I flush down this huge mess? Firstly, I am so proud of it I’d prefer exposing it in some museum, secondly, I shall dispose of it. But the flush doesn’t properly work….

It’s Monday, and the turds are seamlessly sliding out, this is a very soft beginning.

So that’s the end of the week…

I do the last turd. I do. It is.

Nice

End of late morning breakfast, me, walking towards the bathroom, ‘I’ll go bake a cake now!’

Sitting on the toilet, I turn on the oven, and I wait for the sweet cake to be ready.

BLOF, it’s done! It more looks like some undefined cookies, I’m not sure I’d have a taste though…

All right, jog done, dishes done, folding dry clothes done.

No I can jump inside the bathroom, lift the toilet seat, sit down and relax. Crap will surely appreciate this calm kindess, I’ll be rewarded!

Uh! There’s some stuff already! So cute!

First things first, I woke up to do a shit. That’s what Saturdays are made for.

I’ve got the whole day ahead so I can just enjoy this naughty pleasure I love.

Taking a crap is on my top five moments of life

A day off. I spent the day planning my podcast. It’ll be called The Shyt Show, will get out weekly, and I’ll be reading my week’s shit out loud.

I was on the sofa, making record tryouts, when suddenly, my session was interrupted by this snake of crap, it has born death though.

All right, I don’t have time for a shit right now, let’s move on, we have a show to broadcast here!