a new post every time I take a shit
Taking a shit this morning is been really painful. It hasn’t finished yet, but I think the worst is gone.
I got caught by sudden diarrhoea, it lasted some ten minutes, heavy aches on my bowels compromising my serenity.
After the first – hope to be the last one as well – burst I feel exhausted.
Luckily I have no appointments this morning, I am free of rushing to my own bathroom if need it!
The morning I don’t have much to say about my shit. Yesterday I had so much of it and had pizza for dinner. It constipated me
Another little pop of poop
Have you ever spent too much time sitting on the toilet, and your shit dried up around your arsehole, making it impossible to clean properly with toilet paper?
Well, that happened to me today.
Yesterday my girlfriend asked me to prepare my tortilla – even if she can cook very well she says my tortillas are the best, or perhaps she just didn’t want to cook, lol – and I did.
They were delicious indeed, vegan and all, healthy and environment friendly, but you know, beans, spicy, veggies…
Laxative effect!
It was difficult to share our one bathroom this morning, and even after she got out, I still find difficulties. My belly bloats, by arsehole farts, and keeps farting.
How does this stop?
Shit.
Btw, if anybody’s interested, here’s my recipe.
–
1. Guac
Mash up two ripe avocados with the juice of 1½ limes. Chuck in two sliced spring onions and a handful of chopped coriander. Done.
2. Rice
Cook 100g basmati rice. Toss in three chopped sun-dried tomatoes and a squeeze of half a lime. Mix it up.
3. Chilli
Heat a splash of olive oil in a pan, fry four chopped onions for 5 mins. Add a teaspoon of cumin, a chopped habanero, and three crumbled dried chillies. Stir, then chuck in 100g tomato sauce, cook 5 mins. Add a tin of red beans (150g), 100g sweetcorn, and a diced pepper. Cook 5 more mins. Stir well.
4. Wrap it up
Warm a tortilla, slap on two spoons of rice, two of chilli, and two of guac. Top with shredded lettuce. Roll it tight. Eat.
Constipated morning.
A morning it’s required I get out rapidly.
The two things don’t get along well.
Abruptly startled by a massive diarrhoea.
Luckily I work from home and I could easily transfer my laptop to the loo.
Perhaps that Nutella bread as a snack was a little overwhelming…
There isn’t much to say about my morning shit session, beside the fact I’ve been sitting here for way too long. My legs now hurt, and my arsehole is going to prolapse 
My arsehole itches
Uhm… a little top rushy.
Me don’t like it, me arsehole neither.
A few turds in the hole.
But I needed more time… I was attached to them! They were attached to me!
My 8-hour sleep – very uncommon to me – almost cured my cold.
Although, I woke up with my bowels hurting, dunno why, perhaps just farts?
I made some farts indeed, and took a shit already, but keep sitting on the toilet, I still feel this abdominal pain…
Weird…
Oh well, at least this morning consistency was great! 8/10!
Lil shit after lunch
Hard shit this morning hurts my arsehole.
You know, those turds as sharp as a knife…
Not nice, not nice…. but at least they’re out!
I’d give 6/10 but I feel like the amount was unfair… 5/10 is better
Uhm, took some ten minutes at the beginning, then I made it. Some shit got out.
It was hard, yes it was, but it got softer push after push.
Feel better now.
6/10 today
It’s hard to take hard shits.
And that’s exactly what’s happening right now
Very fluid shit. Where fluid isn’t the consistency. Well, wasn’t at least…
Right while I was writing the adjective, my shit turned glue
How surprising! I still have some shit to expel this morning, even if I already took some right before going to bed!
Nice!
Fuck yeah! A good liberating shit before going to bed is really what I desperately needed.
Been constipated the whole day, and I didn’t stop eating even if was not much hungry…
This shit really gives me good mood!
Huge turd!!!
Yeah! Constipation ends before expectations!
Another day of constipation.
Frankly dunno what to say about it… it’s just disappointing and frustrating
Probably this is the first day of the year I had not many problems taking a shit.
Perhaps the sole thing I could complain about, is the shy tird. Lol.
Not me, the first turd that came, it took so long! The others came straight after. Did they kill their leader, or was it him guiding the whole lot to victory/defeat?
Rating of this shit: 7/10 btw
Ready to get out. But PERHAPS my bowels really forgave me.
Here’s a turd.
Not a very good one, still not disappointing.
Definitely worth a 6.5/10
Apparently, my bowels are not ready to take a shit yet.
Yet, I desperately need a shit, because what’s inside me is the reason of my early raising.
5:00AM more or less, and my bowels now refuses to shit. How dare you stupid bowels?
Why you do this to me?
Why?
After everything I did for you!
Why?
Stop please!
You’re the only reason of my disgrace!
Why! WHY?!
I hate you!
…
But you’re right, you hate me too, always treating you like shit….
I get it….
I don’t deserve you.
…
I apologise for everything I’ve just said.
I am just drowsy, in need of sleep, and I don’t know what I was saying….
Please forgive me!
PLEASE!
…
FUCK YOU FUCK! NOW JUST TAKE THIS FUCKING SHIT!
Now… I’m still sitting on the toilet. Probably been here more than 30 minutes…
Fuck! It was squashy shit, and now it has dried on my arsehole…
Wiping will be painful..
I am scared
Here comes the real stuff.
It’s clear, this morning my body was not ready yet!
My holidays end today, and yesterday took place my second new year celebration, or at least this is what me and my friends like to call it.
The 2nd of January is my best friend’s birthday, so he invites all of our friends together to eat something, cheer and play some made-up competition. It is a lot of fun, and the event we also use to meet up each year with the friends who now live abroad.
What then? I only had a couple of beer – I am not in the mood for drinking, lately – and I wasn’t expecting my bowels to hurt this much this morning. Why? WHY?
I am on the toilet right now, but it looks like they’re not in the mood for taking a shit
I am very disappointed.
And I feel sick. Unexpectedly sick, bad bad sleep, a giant tummy, a hurtful arsehole.
This is not being the very best beginning of the year for my bowels
Hope yours are fine!
Cheers everybody!
Some shit after a McDonald’s.
I normally don’t go to fast food, I hate it. But you know, they exists, and I can’t ignore that… and I can’t even ignore their taste.
They are good. ONLY THE TASTE IS.
They are unhealty, wrong, unsustainable, bad.
Still, I also can’t ignore their laxative effect… I needed that today…
Yeah, I know, I’m contradictory, yet. This is being human. I am human, we’re all human after all.
And we all take shit.
Yet, another constipated day.
By now, my 2025 has been 100% constipation
Going to sleep. btw, it hasn’t been a good day for my bowels. First days of new year are the worst.
Let’s just rest, tomorrow we’ll see shit. Hopingly.
Happy new year, wishing this year to make the best shit ever. Starting today!
Idk if anybody will ever make it, but my arsehole has just suggested me he is cross with me, too much to eat, too much to drink, constipated for too long. Sudden pain in my arsehole.
Better to finish soon. Holidays must come to an end!
the Shy Tird 