Tuesday, 11 February 2025 | 7:32 AM

My slumber gets interrupted at least once during the night, I’m used to take a wee, after that, I normally fall back asleep, but it’s not uncommon for me to just wake up and start my day earlier. Normally my girlfriend keeps sleeping while I work at my laptop.

This morning happened exactly that, but my girlfriend woke up too. She was sleepy, but she needed an urgent shit, diarrhoea.

We ate Brussel’s sprouts for dinner, which I prepared with love and, frankly speaking, they were particularly good!

Now, I know they could help bowels movements, but I wasn’t prepared for this…

Our morning wasn’t as usual, we didn’t just had an earlier breakfast, we could also profit from this extra time for taking our cat’s faeces.

He spent the last months having diarrhoea, he’s long haired so every time this happened he dirt his legs in shit, bringing it everywhere in the house, forcing us to change our beddings almost every day…

Well, today was the day our vet asked for the crap sample, so we put gloves on, and patiently waited for him to take a shit. It was liquid, OBVIOUSLY!

Well, we took it anyway, put it in a zip pack and in the fridge. Then my girlfriend cleaned the floor while I was doing the dishes.

I thought our shitty morning was already eventful enough, when I felt Brussel’s kicking in.

‘GOTTA RUSH!’ I screamed.

‘But it’s still wet!’

I had no time nor force to reply, I dashed to the toilet almost falling on the ground because of the slipperiness.

Than a two-second silence, followed by an outburst. BOOM.

My morning has begun.

Friday, 7 February 2025 | 7:27 AM

Guess what, I must get out ASAP, but I’m stuck on the toilet.

I’m supposed to get back home late today, as I’ve got plenty of things to do, so I’m trying to expel as much shit as possible. Had chili for dinner, you know!

Btw, being on a rush stresses out my bowels… resulting in a bit of constipation.

Hence, IDK, shall I just go or stay?

At least some scrunchies got out.

They’re not crunchy thoug…

Tuesday, 4 February 2025 | 8:18 AM

You know those moments you realise you have more shit to do, but you realise it only when you’re already washing your bum?

Yeah, just what is happening right now.

And you have to get back sitting on the toilet.

You know, I spend some 20/30 minutes here on the throne every day

Friday, 31 January 2025 | 7:37 AM

Every time I ask my girlfriend to borrow her car I found myself in times of trouble.

Gotta get out fast, do everything fast, breakfast, washing, even shit, because I have to take her to her job place.

Know what? CAN’T DOO!

Been on the toilet for twenty minutes and now I am late. am constipated and I hate it and I will feel bad for the rest of the day.

Grrrrr

Tuesday, 28 January 2025 | 7:57 AM

Ok so what?

Ate too many baked potatoes for dinner, I thought my girlfriend would have eaten more of that, and I cooked some more. In the end I couldn’t finish but I had to, they’re not good the day after, and I would have thrown them away.

Was it wrong though? In the end I am throwing them away in another way right now, they’re shit now. Turds.

Baked turds. Exploding bakes turds.

I hope there aren’t many bombs left…

Monday, 27 January 2025 | 7:39 AM

There ain’t much to say about the current status of my shit this morning.

It was hard, hard to shit, hard life today I feel weak and dizzy.

Shit.

Btw I believe there’s still a lot inside me to get rid of, it takes at least three days to get back to routine after the weekend spent eating at my mother in law.

Friday, 24 January 2025 | 7:56AM

I have nausea and vertigo, I’ve been sitting on my toilet for almost one hour. I feel sick.

I maintained a streak of 20 days not drinking alcohol, and yesterday I broke it. Had a beer and four red wine glasses. The result is something I was desperately avoiding.

It’s not that I have any kind of addiction, but I noticed I feel way too better when I’m not drinking. And I mean not just physically, my mind benefits from it the most! Lucidity, optimism, memory improved, and an energetic frenzy for projects, stuff to learn and work.

Fuck yeah, I’m going to break my 20-day milestone this time!

But now, I must pay for my mistakes, taking a one-hour-long shit, squashy liquid reeky shit.

Tuesday, 21 January 2025 | 8:20 AM

My morning shit was soft and squashy this morning.

Thing is though, once I wiped my arsehole, I noticed my shit was reddish.

How odd.

Did I eat an alien without me knowing it??

Well it was good.

Or perhaps even my bowels is celebrating Trump! 🤔

Sunday, 19 January 2025 | 10:27 AM

I was going to write a dull post this morning, about yesterday being constipated, today waking up late and tomorrow have my routine reprised, but it would have been dull.

Instead, Imma just describe today’s consistency.

On a scale from 1 to 10 where one is hard and 10 is soft, today is 5.

As for smell, apparently have none. What else?

Oh, come on! It’s just shit!