OKAAAY OKAAAAY, I am awake! CALM YOURSELF DOWN!!!

These are my first words this morning.

I was just trying to get back to sleep, so I tossed in bed, flipping from the right side to the left, when a hasty pressure inside my bowels just presented itself abruptly, exploding inside so rapidly it was sudden and painful.

I am still drowsy though, sweating and swearing for the heat suffocating me. I jump off my bed and rush to the bathroom.

I almost made it on the floor. Its stink totally recalls every nuance of flavour from the german restaurant I went for dinner, sauerkraut, currywurst, wheat beer. Everything I loved eating yesterday, is now a blobby dung memory from the past.

The best way to start the day, uh?

Aaaand here comes another reprisal.

Yeah, actually I already knew, it is impossible for me to have a normal poop routine the day after some beers, or eating bread, or both. It simply means I have bowels problems, and I’ve never wanted to warn about it.

As I am writing, stool keep getting out of my arse, seamlessly, I am an optimal sample for creating a clockwork shit-machine

Ok I guess my thought was legit. I’ve just clutched some little pieces of marmalade out. They were more beer-sandwich related. Now makes sense, I just needed some patience.

I always lack of patience in life. Patience always bring happiness, and SHIIIIIIT! More SHIIIIT.

I really don’t understand my body. There are those days when I eat sandwiches, pizza and stuff like this and I have diarrhoea, followed by days of bloating, very stinky shit and a diffuse sickness in my belly. And the days when I do the same, even drink some beers, and the day later I feel cool. Kinda like this morning.

It is a normal normal shit, kind of dull, super easy to push, super easy to wipe, super calm.

Idk, seems weird

Sliding through the door as I crouch down the toilet.

How can it be so easy? My shit is so calm, whilst me am so in turmoil

One long thing

After the first shit I had breakfast and headed to the supermarket. It was fast, but never enough. While queuing for the check-out I spread the air surrounding me with pestilent stink, the man behind the desk was very fast and professional, and didn’t protest for the strong smell. Rushed home. I am now calm and relaxed, squeezing my bowels off to clean my soul.

I need to sleep more. What kept me from doing it this morning was the shit inside me.

It’s very soft and very gassy,

It’s very smooth and very messy,

Color may vary,

I am just shady

As I already knew, YES! There was more!

More and more!

I can proudly say, what I shat this morning was not just half of it but more like a fifth of the total.

Noooow, THAAT’s what I am talking about!!! Yeah baby! That’s shitting!!

All right. I woke myself up pretty early, in this beginning of the weekend, but I am going hiking with a friend. It might be cool.

Now, the first thing a hiker needs is to be as light as possibile, unburdened from anything unnecessary.

I haven’t done it properly, been sitting here for half an hour and I only deployed a single mid-turd. It is mid coz I know how big they can be, it seems just half of it.

Well, let’s see if I’ll be shitting again today

This morning I am sprouting little balls, little tiny balls of shit. They have no personality, they simply are, they exist. But they have no meaning.

GM, some stuff is already in the hole, gotta wait for the twin to reach the brother though.

I’m in no mood for waiting, just get out and free me plz

Some kind of hard dry stool. At the beginning

Some very soft, high in gas turds. At the end

A little sum up: I haven’t taken a shit in more than 30 hours. I drank a bottle of wine before dinner. I turned of on the sofa for some 4 hours. I opened my eyes at 3 o’clock, insomniac, I went running at first daylight. Now I am back. First things first, let’s try to push some turds out.

It works. I should be feeling happy, but my mental status keeps me from it. I am a little content though, I can say that.

Now, okay, but where’s the rest? It should have been much more than this :/

Eventually I spent the day not taking a shit at all. I emptied a bottle of red wine before dinner, and I fell asleep. Now I am awake, been sleepless for almost a hour now. Feel like my belly is full of shit. Fucking telling lies. C’mon! It is clear AF, there’s evil inside! Just pull it off! Just make me live! Just let me be! Just… just… just empty! My life as it is now. Empty AF