Constipation to open the day.

My arse doesn’t open, instead.

I am not eating much these days…

I thought I would have taken less shit.

I was wrong

2-inch turds are now piling one on top of the other. They are very ugly. It doesn’t even look like human poo

Yesterday I discovered I am gluten intolerant. Fine. I guess I already knew.

To celebrate I ate some bread. I slept quite badly, gas everywhere in my belly.

Now a few pitiful turds are all that’s left

Ouch.

I felt something to expel, so I pushed.

Ouch.

I thought it was all right, but it was harder than expected.

Ouch.

My arse stretched abnormally.

Ouch.

Now everything is back to normal. A few grams lighter.

Great, a new week begins. Birds are singing, every bulb of my body is sweating, and shit is down the hole!

Even if it’s the size of two beans…

I was relaxed, starting to write a draft for the second episode of my podcast, when I thought ‘mh, talking about shit… what if there’s something to do here!’

Yes there was!

A very quick reprisal.

It seems that black magic was through, but some dark stuff was still in! Spicy

I was looking forward for this morning’s discharging, ever since I bit the very first pizza slice for dinner. It was heavy, I felt it. Difficult for my bowels to process. I knew it.

I slept uncommonly good, but as soon as I was awake, a powerful great sceptre was pulsing inside me. With its magic powers it controlled my movements, I was headed to the kitchen, to have breakfast, but it immediately made me turn a door before. In a blink of an eye I was sitting on the toilet.

The sceptre gets out, twisting and turning like crazy, as its magical whim fades out. The more it go forth, the more its magical mana expires.

Here it is now, a lost relic, a once potent rod used to rule ‘em all, laying at the bottom of the toilet. Hidden for ever, its story ends here. Farewell

In the end I made it. Slept for three hours. Lol.

Now I am taking a shit, and my bowels is making fun of me farting all around.

So frustrating!! Couldn’t you make it last night? So stupid!

I am awake, my eyes keep crossing because of the tiredness.

As soon as I close them though, I feel a strong pain on my belly. There’s some gas blocked, I tried ‘em all to get it out, candle position, pushing through with my hands, walking, laying face up, face down.

Nothing helps.

Since yesterday I had no dinner, I am just expelling a little yuck. Very very little. Very very soft. Very very unworthy of any kind of story. Definitely missing the great crap from the last days…

Can’t believe this! Another shit!!

That german restaurant should be proud of itself!

This one looks just like cats’ poop after a meat buffet.

There’s more.

The odds were 100% happening for sure.

Blip blop, turds falling like raindrop on a lake, blistering water like a professional trampoline diver, producing no splash at all. Almost a pleasure to see that.

But I can’t, I am too concentrated on calming my mind, setting myself apart from the affliction of losing so many children, letting them go, free into the wild.

Just joking. The pain is real and it is my intestines. :/

OKAAAY OKAAAAY, I am awake! CALM YOURSELF DOWN!!!

These are my first words this morning.

I was just trying to get back to sleep, so I tossed in bed, flipping from the right side to the left, when a hasty pressure inside my bowels just presented itself abruptly, exploding inside so rapidly it was sudden and painful.

I am still drowsy though, sweating and swearing for the heat suffocating me. I jump off my bed and rush to the bathroom.

I almost made it on the floor. Its stink totally recalls every nuance of flavour from the german restaurant I went for dinner, sauerkraut, currywurst, wheat beer. Everything I loved eating yesterday, is now a blobby dung memory from the past.

The best way to start the day, uh?

Aaaand here comes another reprisal.

Yeah, actually I already knew, it is impossible for me to have a normal poop routine the day after some beers, or eating bread, or both. It simply means I have bowels problems, and I’ve never wanted to warn about it.

As I am writing, stool keep getting out of my arse, seamlessly, I am an optimal sample for creating a clockwork shit-machine