I am casually sitting on the toilet, having a wee, when I felt I could push a little, you know, just to try…

Something pop out! Such a surprising day!

The first turd was very stocky, and it made me stretch, the second one was simply normal and went through easily. The third one was… just a fart

Had rice with lentils for lunch. What am I doing now? Farting all around and taking a crap.

Are these two things related?

Yes.

I was just finishing editing my podcast when my bowels felt it. Probably engaged by the topics I was recording about, it produced a little turd, which I gently deployed inside my WC.

The beginning of my day is delayed. All right. The most important thing is down the toilet now. Good Job

I have the most annoying arse. My arse is an arsehole.

I had just began watching Spider-man: no way home but it needed a shit. All right all right! DONE!

Can we please resume watching it?

All in all it was just Another shit in the hole

I miss those days shaped by sudden random diarrhoeas… do I?

Not working at all, staying home all day, watching TV shows on the couch, only eating shitty snacks, no lunch nor dinners.

Shitty life, means shitty shit. C’mon, what the fuck, useless pieces of crap here. So dry…

I’m not even eating fruits… duh

Too little has passed since my last poop.

And yet, a crooked turd got out. Just a few centimetres long, but it is something!

Just got back home. ‘The sooner the better’, that’s what my arse was thinking in the last few hours.

First thing I did as I opened the door, was hurrying to the loo, I had no time to turn on the lights.

Now, I have been spreading my arsehole for minutes now, and it felt like I produced kilos of shit. Now, now, let’s light it up with the flashlight, let’s see what we’re dealing with…

All right, pretty mild, it felt bigger, but could indeed have been much less. Good. It’s a 7 pointer.

I’ll go have a shower now…

I am not so familiar with those alien-themed video games, but I am sure there’s some kind of weapon, sone sort of big rod with a huge stone on top. I don’t remember clearly.

Can’t see that in my mind, but I see that right before my very eyes. Its a huge huge turd, and it can really be used as a weapon. I am sure it would be illegal in some parts of the world. You know, its many half-an-inch-long stones amassed all together, it’s brutal!

And it has gotten out of my arse! 😳

She has just changed her job, she now works in a big firm, so she’s new there in the office… she told me that something never occurred before, my happened to her. Never ever.

So basically she has one poop every day before going to bed, and one poop as she wakes up. She is quite a regular and this makes her have a wonderful clear-bowels day. This regularity disappeared for the whole weekend, when she drank, eat, and lived as a weekend requires.

No shit on saturday, no shit on sunday, no shit on monday morning. Shit. That is no good.

As she arrives to the office, she has her morning coffee, this gave her the right sprint for the beginning of the day, but after a few minutes she starts trembling, her anus shaking, she has goosebumps all around her skin. She resists, for an hour at max, after that, she must had to go to the loo, so she ran for it, closing all doors behind, then sits.

As soon as she sits, a wide quantity of poop spread on the water surface, kind of like oil on the ocean. It was immensity. Vastness. She says she never had such a poop as that, never at home, never outside. She panicked, can’t blame her… it is difficult to manage stuff such these for the first time.

As she finishes, she flushes everything off. A good half of it got actually ejected. The other half was there, everywhere, below the water surface, above it, on the border of the closet, it was a freaking mess.

She starts pushing the flush every two seconds, hoping it fills up again fast, but it is too slow! Shit, shit, shit! Anybody could come inside at any moment!

She starts scanning all the space surrounding her. And she founds it: a grey basin, camouflaging next to the grey wall.

She opens the faucet at maximum speed, filling up the basin and emptying on top of the remaining sticky browns.

Once. Twice, six times. In seven acts, everything was gone. Stink still there, she escaped from the room, and got back to work, after forty minutes.

Still agitated, she is finally sitting at her work station, timorously ogling the toilets’ door. Nobody gets inside.

Everything went through perfectly, wow, anything could go wrong, anybody could have got inside, during her adventure. But she got it. Problem solved.

She shook her head a little, in an excited amusement, as one of her new workmates gives her a worried look.

And he says ‘is everything all right?’

The end

As I said. Yes! There still was something waiting for me, thiner, longer, smoother!

A real piece of shit!

Yesterday I exaggerated. One beer after another. It was even painful to drink most of them, because my belly was still hurting after lung, a giant panini clogged my stomach. So after many drinks, it got to 2:00AM and I went to sleep.

After I woke myself up, I still felt my belly as a balloon. Nothing good. So I had breakfast and that gave me some movements inside.

I went for the toilet and pulled off some pseudo-normal shit. I mean a normal one with a normal-diet-day history.

But inside me there’s more. Much much more. The beer has surely became dense brown juice, and in the near future will fight for a place outside. I must be patience and wait, knowing there’s some harsh surprise hover around for me

Fucking street food. This panini was huuuuge. My belly is going to explode soon for sure.

Better uncork the valve. PLOF, a turd has happened