the Shy Tird

Here’s a quick unexpected shit.

My favourite ones

Finally – after maaamy months – shit gets out with no worries at all.

Would it be because I ate a lot of veggies and fruit?

Could be.

Must be!

I shall do it more often…

Yeah.

Feel better tho

It felt like there was some huge turd waiting to be expelled.

But it didn’t come out. Felt it inside. Piling up.

Nothing out.

I kept pushing and pushing. Nothing out.

I was about to give up when I tried one last push.

Then I felt it getting closer and closer to the exit hole, but as close as it was getting just as big it became.

I don’t know I made it, but I MADE IT!

It was indeed gargantuan, and I feel relieved. Re-lived

I don’t know really what else to say. i know it’s dull, but it’s just shit getting out of my arsehole!

To be fair, it’s a period of my life I’m focusing on my new job project. I still dedicate myself to taking a shit in the morning, but my creativity is funnelled somewhere else.

Turds smell though!

Waited more than 30minutes for dropping a turd

I must follow a diet for a while…

My bowels need it

Ok, KFC at lunch made my bowels forget about constipation.

Now’s the utter opposite

Another constipated day. It’s getting duller und duller

Business lunch. Then home.

Just shit

With some patience and consistency, I made it.

Shit DEPLOYED.

Constipation

Another constipated day.

Even if it sounds dull, doesn’t stop being FRUSTRATING

Another liquid shit came unexpected

Turds reached my anus, eventually.

I don’t understand just one fact, was everything liquid already? Or did it melt once reached the hole?

It’s been weeks now. Not working as it’s supposed to.

My bowels’ costipated

Aaand another shiiit!

Totally liquid now

A third shit. This one was almost liquid.

I feel a little better though

Shit reprisal.

Still spicy, but the smell and color is more wooden-like

First go. After two days of constipation…

Spicy

Uhm. Constipation the morning after eating pizza is my life conviction.

And my bowels bloat

Just arrived at my friend’s house by the beach.

Am supposed to be glad and compliment him and the house….

But, you know, I have a little problem…

DIARRHOEA!

Sorry mate, my bowels have their own ways to cheer

Pretty obvious ain’t it?

Days of diarrhoea, weakness and illness, today nothing to expel!

Yet, no improvements. Just diarrhoea all along

Morning, yet the same loose shit I’ve been having yesterday and the whole night.

Feel terrible

Keep burping yesterday’s lunch

Back home.

Just liquid shit. Can’t move.

Feeling weak, feeling harsh

Ah, the joys of a weekend with the mother-in-law — all those rich, greasy delights lovingly shoved down my throat like I hadn’t eaten in weeks. My gut, however, was less enthused.

Three hours into the drive home, it gave up. Spectacularly.

So here I am, squatting in a field somewhere off the A-road, trousers around my ankles, mid-diarrhoeic symphony. Each release a hot jazz solo, alternating between melting chocolate gelato and what I can only describe as digestive regret.

Liberating? Absolutely.

But the flies. Oh god, the flies. They’ve declared war on my arsehole, my thighs, my very soul. And the tall grass tickling my legs feels oddly flirtatious, as if Mother Nature herself were whispering, “You chose this, darling.”

Anyway, my boewls still hurt like hell.

I really do hope I make it home.

I was actually waiting for this shit.

Before just farts and a few pebbles, but right now, an endless stream of diarrhoea