Shit reprisal.

Still spicy, but the smell and color is more wooden-like

First go. After two days of constipation…

Spicy

Uhm. Constipation the morning after eating pizza is my life conviction.

And my bowels bloat

Just arrived at my friend’s house by the beach.

Am supposed to be glad and compliment him and the house….

But, you know, I have a little problem…

DIARRHOEA!

Sorry mate, my bowels have their own ways to cheer

Pretty obvious ain’t it?

Days of diarrhoea, weakness and illness, today nothing to expel!

Yet, no improvements. Just diarrhoea all along

Morning, yet the same loose shit I’ve been having yesterday and the whole night.

Feel terrible

Keep burping yesterday’s lunch

Back home.

Just liquid shit. Can’t move.

Feeling weak, feeling harsh

Ah, the joys of a weekend with the mother-in-law — all those rich, greasy delights lovingly shoved down my throat like I hadn’t eaten in weeks. My gut, however, was less enthused.

Three hours into the drive home, it gave up. Spectacularly.

So here I am, squatting in a field somewhere off the A-road, trousers around my ankles, mid-diarrhoeic symphony. Each release a hot jazz solo, alternating between melting chocolate gelato and what I can only describe as digestive regret.

Liberating? Absolutely.

But the flies. Oh god, the flies. They’ve declared war on my arsehole, my thighs, my very soul. And the tall grass tickling my legs feels oddly flirtatious, as if Mother Nature herself were whispering, “You chose this, darling.”

Anyway, my boewls still hurt like hell.

I really do hope I make it home.

I was actually waiting for this shit.

Before just farts and a few pebbles, but right now, an endless stream of diarrhoea