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Friday, 24 January 2020 | 09:53 AM

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Friday, 24 January 2020 | 09:53 AM

The explosive beans effect:

When you are constantly on a budget, especially at the end of the week, you’ve got to face the fact you got nothing left in the fridge. You open the cupboard, nothing apart from some opened rice boxes and a can of kidney beans. Wait a minute it can’t be! Let me open the fridge again! I knew that! There’s an onion left… well actually it is just a small piece of an onion. It’ll go! It must.

So you boil your rice, drain your beans, cut the onion and put it all together. It taste nice. It must.

Then you go to bed, you still feel your stomach going sour whilst beans inflate your belly.

You get up, feeling very relaxed, kinda floating in mid-air, then you dive for your loo, you sit on the toilet and you make a fart last 5 seconds. You’re satisfied.

You go have breakfast, you still feel drowsy, then you go have a shower.

Now that I’m in the toilet I’ll just sit for a moment on my throne…

…AND HERE IT COMES! Explosion from your insides!

BBEEAANNSS EEFFEECCTT STROKE AGAIN!

Thursday, 23 January 2020 | 06:27 PM

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Thursday, 23 January 2020 | 06:27 PM

What if an elephant enters in a room and nobody’s there?

Is that particular fat elephant really inside that room?

Can anybody tell if that very fat elephant is real?

No, my poop smells.