My girlfriend preparing Tzatziki, me taking a shit. She needs a feedback on its flavour but I am already deploying crap. Never mind… I said, our relationship has already reached higher peaks, it’s fine.

She immediately came to me with a spoonful of the white sauce and put it in my mouth. I’ve got to say some garlic was missing, but that wasn’t easy to spot, my nose was already filled with my crap’s smell.

I was just finished writing it, when she came back with another spoon, I tasted it, and it was better, the smell of my poop probably enriched it now.

I feel a little dizzy, I shall be sleeping right now, but instead I am here on my toilet trying to push evil out. I am not sure wether there might actually be some evil inside me or not, but the matter of the fact is that I feel my insides burning and twisting.

Ok, after a few minutes spent pushing and hard breathing like a mom giving birth, there’s some monster getting out. It is amorphous and very ugly, and I am feeling a little more better jolt after jolt, piece by piece deployed.

Long story short I had my favourite ramen in town with my friend, we had a walk and then we urged back to my place. We need shit.

I came back home finding my girlfriend having a happy hour with some random friends, nice.

Now I am staining my own toilet, my friend is socialising outside, and I, well am having the time of my life. Can’t grant for the next person who’ll enter in the bathroom

Yesterday I must have eaten something too healthy. I only produced three turds, they are two balls and one stick, I get a floating sad face in the water. SIGNS??

Went home early. Gotta go to a funeral. I have some minutes to hang wet clothes, but the propeller inside me denies it. NO, YOU GOTTA SHIT NOW! So I followed its desire, placing a mess inside the toilet

Oh fuck it! I should have said NO to that bloody beer! It was 10:30PM and I was drinking red wine since 7PM, ‘what’s wrong with a Beer?’, I thought. I actually knew this already, I would have ended up regretting that moment. I woke myself up at 6 ‘o clock, and I spent the last thirty minutes waiting for all the shit to push out. It’s a nightmare! I think I already know what kind of disease I have, but I really don’t want it official. Let’s keep silent pooping. Smelly-reeky-painful-shocking pooping.

I (h)ate lasagna for lunch.

Precisely two hours later, I am sitting on the office’s toilet praying for it to finish soon. I smells horribly, it is cramping, it is shattered.

Nice loose crap, nice nice nice

The morning recipe.

be patient. You have a soft cream. DO NOT EAT IT!

I am late, but my arse isn’t finished yet.

And I simply can’t leave home without being sure having it all left behind. Otherwise I’m going to explode, like Atomic Bomb

Now that even my arsehole is aware of the awakening of my body, it’s getting a move on, and exploiting itself.

My arsehole burns