the Shy Tird

Yesterday I went out for a pizza, I’ve realised the last time I ate it was at least three weeks ago.

Wow

Pizza is good, I love pizza. I had a couple of beers too.

Good

I love pizza

I love beer

My arsehole is now in a rage mood. I guess he doesn’t love pizza and beer as much as I do….

I guess…

Ok it hurts

Ok arsehole, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry! But I need it sometimes, you know!?

Simply hard to take a shit today.

Got to squat to stimulate it.

I hate it when I suddenly need a shit right in the middle of working and I’m forced to relocate to the bathroom with my laptop. The problem isn’t so much working while taking a dump — because that’s actually brilliant — it’s the fact that when I stood up afterwards my legs were completely dead, totally switched off.

I couldn’t walk anymore.

I looked like a complete idiot, legs spread, trousers round my ankles, laptop in hand, trying to make it back to my desk without falling over.

Not a lot to tell about my morning faeces.

Just shit

I am deeply sad, yesterday I had no shit… and I forgot to mention it on my blog…

So I lost my 132-day streak!!!

SHIT!

It’ll take so many turds to get back there!

I don’t understand how my arsehole burns this morning while pooping.

I don’t remember having eaten anything spicy…

Weird.

Poop is not the best too.

Weird

So, now, after a good salad for lunch, now I take a fair shit.

Fluffy

Waiting a friend to lunch at KFC, but I remembered I had no shit this morning…

Quick stop at the toilet, little turd drop, ready for fried chicken.

Have a nice Sunday

As always happens, 2nd of January I end up drinking more than at new year’s eve, for one of my friend’s birthday. It’s a peculiar celebration, he creates some sort of olympic games with its 20/30 friends, and we play homemade sports, drinking and smoking and having a lot of fun.

Problem is, my routine fucks up, my bowels get to process just junk food and alcohol, and I end up constipated but in urge. Oximoronic, but true.

Luckily I have my squatty potty, where I stand, squatting on the toilet.

I’ve been using it for some years now, and I’ve learned that the best way my bowels receipt its perks is mimicking our ancestral way of pooping. Precisely.

That is to say, sitting idling on the toilet is not the best way.

Adding it squatty potty to lift our legs is a little better.

But Squatting arse-mid-air on squatty potty is top of the league. It looks a little sketchy, and it engages our body muscles a lot – which especially in the morning it’s harsh – but it works great!

And my day gets to get amazing!

Another poop moment

Hasty, uneasy, bad

Ouch! Painful session.

It’s very difficult to concentrate on writing. TBH I kinda was expecting this painful shit since the first constipated day a week ago. Now it looks like it’s time!

Yesterday I prepared Pad Thai with my girlfriend. I chose not to make it too spicy. Everything was mixed very well. We made an excellent job. I even digested it fairly. IDK. I don’t know what happened.

I’ll just stop asking myself why. It just happened.

Right.

Let’s hope I survive

Woah, two huge turds!

Mh, something in the end got out….

Not much.

But at least my year started with a little shy tird!

So the new year began uh?

And I’m starting it with constipation?

Mh.

Too bad.

Too bad….

Could be because of oversleeping… but no shit this morning 😦

Finally. FINALLY!

Some sort of mild-diarrhoea gets my bowel loose.

Is constipation over?

Great! Just happens it was indeed a cork this morning. More shit coming right now

This morning I pooped a cork.

Or at least it looks like it.. and it kinda worked like one.

Hopingly constipation ends today!

Will it though?

Oh great… I thought comstipation was finished…

IT IS NOT 😦

I think I got 2/3 kilos of just poop inside me

Something I haven’t share about these constipated days

In the last few months I discovered some sort of technique to stimulate pooping.

It is a necessity, you know.

It began washing my arsehole, out of the blue I remembered a suggestion my ex gave me, washing my arsehole with soap, and occasionally linger on it a bit inside. This would have stimulate peristaltic movements, allegedly.

You know what… I tried occasionally, excluded soap from the equation – it just irritated the colon – and it worked!

It works!

Sometimes at least.

This time at least!

Eventually I deployed some 3-days-old shit, now I just miss the backlogged…

I collect Another day of constipation.

My stomach is starting to hurt now, yet, no stimula

No shit

Again

Again

Againagain

Again n again

FUCK I FEEL BAAddddd

Well, I just can’t shit. This is starting worrying me tbh.

I’d need some sort of purgative

Constipation. This is my keyword the day after Christmas

It’s lunch time but actually I took several shits in the morning.

Lovely Christmas…. everybody loves it

My bowels hate it!

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…

…farting everywhere…

Mh… I don’t remember that part of the song…

…But it is what it feels like to me. As holidays approach, my bowels get stressed. More and more. Eating out multiplies. As long as drinking, getting home late and – luckily – being with friends.

This is Christmas for me! Taking a lot of shit!

It’s been days my bowels are feeling weird.

Frankly it wasn’t something I was missing… anyways I went another time to a Japanese restaurant for lunch, and it compromised my situation even more.

I’m quite scared, these are not the right preconditions for Christmas feasts. Shit.

Taking about shit… I’ve just produced one of the longest turd in a very long time. Luckily it was soft, because if it wasn’t it would have showed its top above the toilet. Not the nicest view…

Instead it rolled like a snake, and it’s so tidy right now I’m a little reluctant wether or not to flush off…

Ok, two days passed since that Japanese dinner. It kinda constipated me for one day. Luckily yesterday I had potatoes and sausages for dinner, and my bowels kinda reinvigorated.

Now it seems like machine gun, brand new. They should sell it!

But I thought I was partying for peace…. mh.

Shit makes me weird

I don’t feel like taking a shit

I feel like I should shit.

Can’t sleep until I took a shit.

I’d need a shit before getting back to sleep.

Idk. What is this? do I really need a shit or is this a metaphor of my life?

Idk. i don’t think so.

Mh.

Was that Japanese restaurant worth it?

Ok so, yesterday we got out for our friend’s party. Pizza and beer. As usual.

This morning my girlfriend enters work at 8:30, and I must get her there.

We woke up early so we can go have breakfast together. Everything is nice, except the fact I’m on the toilet right now, pushing hard. But nothing gets out.

Let’s see how wonderful it is that toilet at the cafeteria